


Heavy as a Feather

by nirroca



Series: Lavender [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Friends to Lovers, kinda sad to start off with
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-08-28 12:52:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8446516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirroca/pseuds/nirroca
Summary: Cassandra breaks her heart that day on the battlements, and Ellana has to find a way to live with that. Distance should make it easier right?





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, hello, I am trying my hand at fiction with my own Inquisitor Ellana Lavellan. All feedback is welcome, as long as its not flat out roasting I guess :) It should hopefully be in three parts, but that might change.
> 
> Many thanks to Spectre_Tabris for reading over this for me and giving me tips/listen to me complain about everything.
> 
> Title from the Cold War Kids song 'First'.

It's been two months since Cassandra confronted Ellana on the battlements about her intentions toward her. Two months in which Ellana has had to live with the knowledge that her one sided pining will never amount to anything. Ellana respects Cassandra’s honesty, she’ll give her that, but at some point she feels like she’s been led astray. Not intentionally, of course. Cassandra is virtuous to a fault (it's one of the things that Ellana both loves and admires most about Cassandra). No, somewhere along the line what started out as casual flirtation to see if there was any mutual interest between herself and Cassandra - which was met positively, or so Ellana had thought - had ended up with Ellana feeling both the keen sting of rejection and embarrassment that she had been so  _ wrong  _ about everything. 

 

_ Two months earlier _

 

After Cassandra leaves her out on the battlements Ellana falls apart. Everything around her seems to fade away because all she can think of is the numb, yet sharp pain that seems to be focused on the area in her chest where her heart used to be. Shuddering, her legs give out from underneath her and she slides down the wall until she gracelessly ends up in an awkwardly seated position. The heavily weighted feeling of dread seeps through all of her limbs before finally settling like a stone in her chest and she can feel the corners of her eyes start to burn and her breath coming in shallow, ragged gasps. Despite the mental fog of grief that’s trying to take a hold of her Ellana has enough sense to know that as much as  _ Ellana _ Lavellan wants to break down and wallow in self pity, it is in no way appropriate for  _ Inquisitor _ Lavellan to ever be seen doing so (not that she has any doubt Leliana and Josephine would be capable of dealing with the fallout). The thought of Josephine having to spend time and resources on something as trivial as her nonexistent love life instead of more useful pursuits in the name of The Inquisition provides Ellana with the momentary clarity she needs. Taking a deep breath to steady herself and gather her focus, with the help of the wall she gets herself upright, the cool rough texture of the stone giving her something real to anchor herself to. Shaking her head and taking another deep breath she feels the persona of The Inquisitor take over. Its shaky, but it's there, and she only needs to keep it intact long enough to make it to her privacy of her chambers (it feels cruel she has to go so far, when she’s standing at the base of the tower they reside in). Making her way back inside she is for once grateful that Viviene isn’t present in her usual position overlooking the great hall because she knows that she would see straight through her feeble charade with the practiced ease of an accomplished player of The Game, and silently prays that Dorian is in his usual nook of the library because she is in no state to go looking for him (and the last thing she needs right now is to run into Cassandra). Luck is on her side for once when she finds him seated in his chair, elegant in repose as always and with a book in hand. He must have heard her approach because he lowers his book before Ellana has a chance to grab his attention and smiles brightly at her, which does wonders to bolster her current emotional state and asks;

“Ellana! To what do I owe your lovely company?” Dorian’s face falling slightly as her fully takes in her appearance, which she honestly doesn’t want to think about if it's as bad as she feels. 

“Do you have some free time? I want to speak to you about something?” Ellana asks, completely avoiding his question for the time being.

Dorian snaps his book shut and wipes imaginary dust off of his breeches as he stands and responds with a simple “Lead the way my dear.”

The pair manage to make it through the crowded hall without interruption (though Ellana suspects that the dark look on her face is enough of a deterrent for anyone wanting to approach them) and Ellana makes it to the top of the stairs in her quarters before she cracks. She hastily kicks off her boots and takes of her outer coat and scarf and makes for her bed, flopping onto her back and staring at the canopy of the four-posted Free Marcher monstrosity (she chose it because the curtains made her feel more secure in the lonely open expanse of her rooms when she closed them, and reminded her in small part of home and life in the aravels), groaning in relief that she no longer has to keep pretending to look fine. She feels the mattress dip as Dorian sits down beside her and grabs her closest hand. 

“Now, as much I love all the drama, care to share what’s actually going on?” he asks softly. 

Ellana sighs and covers her eyes with her forearm replying with a sullen “Cassandra.”

Dorian simply huffs in understanding and continues on with his gentle line of questioning. “And what exactly has she done now to get you in such a state?” 

Ellana punches the mattress with her free hand and works her way into a seated position beside Dorian, resting her head on his shoulder. “She confronted me about my ‘intentions’ towards her,” Ellana starts, weighing her thoughts before she continues. 

“Well, that’s progress, at least,” Dorian says hopefully.

“And then she told me that she wasn’t interested because she couldn’t see herself being with a  _ woman _ , let alone with the  _ Inquisitor _ ,” Ellana finishes, the words tasting bitter on her tongue, squeezing the hand that Dorian still holds. “It just doesn’t make any sense! I was so cautious and I was sure she was at least partly interested before I started being more forward with her,” she says as her shoulders start shaking with sobs that are finally beginning to force their way back out. 

Dorian murmurs, “Hush now, none of this is your fault. Now let it out; I’ve got you,” as he maneuvers them both so that they’re laying properly on the bed, with Ellana draped across his chest and her fists clinging to the front of his robes as she begins to cry in earnest. All Dorian can do is hold her until her grief has worked its way out of her for the time being and rub soothing circles on Ellana’s back as it passes. 

 

“You know, my Keeper always told me I was too passionate and that I thought with my heart before my head, and I guess she’s still right,” Ellana says, sniffling after the worst of her tears have passed and she and Dorian have been lying in a companionable silence for the past half hour. 

“Your Keeper may be right about your passion, but she’s wrong about your heart leading you astray in this. We all saw the way you both looked at each other and how different Cassandra was around you when she thought none of us were watching. This afternoon’s confessions are as much of a surprise to me as they are to you, and I have the benefit of always being  _ right, _ ” Dorian says lightheartedly as he works his way into a seated position beside Ellana. 

“Smug bastard,” Ellana laughs weakly as she playfully smacks what she can reach of his arm.

“Now you stay here, I’m going to find us something to eat and, more importantly, something for you to  _ drink _ , because we can’t have you dehydrating from all the crying you’ve done, now can we, my dear?” Dorian teases as he makes his way towards the exit. “Don’t do anything fun without me!” comes his sing-song voice as he makes his way down the stairs. Ellana smiles to herself, wondering what she would do without Dorian, and what she did all the years before she knew him. Feeling in need of refreshment after the amount of crying she has done this afternoon she grabs a fresh shirt from the ornate chest of drawers and her makes her way toward the small room to the side of her bed where her essentials are kept. Filling a basin with water from a pitcher that has been enchanted to keep its contents warm, she quickly washes her face and hands, the small action leaving her feeling refreshed as she dries her face off on a soft towel then changes her shirt, loosely lacing it. Making her way back out into the room she endeavours to tidy up a little, throwing scrap papers she doesn’t need anymore into the fireplace as well as some more wood to help ward off the constant mountain chill that seems to seep into her quarters despite the enchantments that are woven into the very stones that make up Skyhold.

Cleaning off the reports that are spread out over the surface of the small table in front of the plush lounge that is in her quarters, and placing them in a neat pile on her desk Ellana sighs at the realistion she needs to start going through her reports before they get out of hand again, thinking back to what happened last time with Josephine with a small wince. Who knew the woman actually  _ would _ lock herself in her quarters with her to make sure Ellana actually did her paperwork and not just  _ threaten _ to? Ellana feels a little calmer at the cleaner space and settles herself on the lounge to wait for Dorian tucking herself into the corner and bringing her knees to her chest and worrying her lower lip with her teeth. At least paperwork is a good reason to lock herself away in her rooms to avoid running into Cassandra she muses to herself with a snort. 

“What’s so funny?” Dorian’s voice comes, starting Ellana so deep in thought she hasn’t realised he has returned with a tray of food and two bottles of wine.

“Just thinking that the amount of paperwork I have is a good excuse to lock myself away up here in the hopes of avoiding Cassandra and the wrath of Josephine if she sees how much of a mess my desk is again” Ellana replies, standing to relieve Dorian of the bottles of wine and to retrieve some glasses from her desk.

“Ah yes. I do remember last time. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if she already knows” Dorian says as he places the delicious smelling tray down on the table in front of him. “Now, I had to sweet talk the cook, but I was successful in my gatherings”

“Well I’m not hungry” - Ellana rolls her eyes at Dorian’s pointed look - “But I know you’re going to make sure I eat anyway, so thank-you Dorian” Ellana says as she grabs some roasted meat and bread and chews thoughtfully, and realises that despite how bad she feels she is hungrier than she realised and leans forward to grab some more. The two eat in a companionable silence and finish the plate of between the two of them in short order. At some point Dorian has opened the wine and Ellana is sitting back comfortably feeling warm and content from both the food and the amount she has had to drink.

“Dorian?” Ellana asks softly, breaking the silence, to which Dorian just hums in acknowledgement. “Would you stay with me tonight? I don’t feel like being alone right now” 

“For you Ellana, anything” Dorian responds without hesitation.

The fallout between Ellana and Cassandra after the confrontation is tenuous at best, with their usual friendly interactions turned icy and Ellana only speaking to Cassandra when strictly necessary, even then with none of her usual personality, she is strictly “The Inquisitor,” professional and unemotional. Both have found ways to completely avoid each other, with Ellana taking all of her meals in her chambers and spending her days in the War Room studying the maps,  or discussing matters of diplomacy with Josephine and Leliana. Her avoidance has had some positive outcomes beyond a slightly cleaner workdesk though, when she discovers when checking on the progress of the training of the Inquisitions new and existing troops with Cullen, is beginning to be outnumbered by the amount of troops that are joining their cause and the amount of capable lieutenants to actually help train them, which is something she needs to find a solution before it gets too out of hand. Evenings are spent  in her chambers with Dorian sharing their evening meals with wine and good conversation or companionable silence as they read.

She hears from her companions (not that she asks, of course) that Cassandra has been spending most of her time when she  _ wasn’t _ maiming practice dummies in the training yards either in her loft above the forge or in the gardens in prayer, with her characteristic ill temper somehow more volatile, leading to everyone in the keep including Sera avoiding her.

“I don’t know what's crawled up her arse, but I’ve got enough sense to know I don’t want to lose my head for a laugh by messing with her lately, urgh. Seeker Prissypant’s breeches in a twist that's for sure innit” Sera tells her when they’re doing target practice on the roofs one afternoon.

Hearing talk of Cassandra’s ongoing bad mood perplexes Ellana, because selfishly she feels like Cassandra isn’t the wounded party in this. The whole situation leaves everyone around them feeling uncomfortable and it comes as a relief when the preparations for an expedition to the Exalted Plains are finalised after weeks of negotiation and planning, with Ellana electing to take Dorian, Bull and Blackwall away as her party members. 

“Do you want me to set her books on fire? Normally I wouldn’t condone such barbarity but for you - and  _ her _ \- I’m willing to make an exception,” Dorian asks the evening before they are due to leave, as they’re sharing a bottle of wine between themselves on the lounge in Ellana’s quarters after their evening meal.

“Dorian, my dear, I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but that's not necessary,” Ellana says with a small hint of amusement, nudging him softly in the ribs with her foot, which Dorian grabs before she can tuck it back under herself where she's seated on the opposite side of the lounge. 

“Well, if you’re sure” - Dorian trails off, whilst slowly massaging the foot he holds - “I just worry about you, you know? And I hate seeing you like this…all mopey and heartbroken. It's not right. And quite frankly, if Cassandra is daft enough to reject  _ you _ it can only stand to reason that she's taken one too many blows to the head on the battlefield, maybe you should craft her a new  _ helm _ instead of yet  _ another _ set of Defender Mail,” Dorian finishes with a knowing look and a twitch of his moustache.

“It’s not  _ my _ fault she looks so good in it!” Ellana protests, thinking of the sharp silhouette the woman cuts in the long fitted coats and blushing, but sobers knowing that Dorian is being serious for once in his life. “I- Thank-you. It means a lot to me to have someone looking out for me, considering everything that's happened this past year, but I’m  _ fine _ ” - at Dorian’s pointed look. Ellana quickly amends - “I’ll  _ be _ fine. I just need to lick my wounds for a while and then I’ll get over it. Eventually.” 

“You must have really liked her, huh?” Dorian asks idly.

Ellana sighs, brushing her silvery hair behind her delicately pointed ears before answering, “I could have loved her, you know? I think I already did, to an extent. Not that it really matters anymore.” Draining the last of her wine then placing the empty glass on the small table in front of her, Ellana stretches as she stands and makes her way over to the bed in the centre of the room.  “Now, it's getting late and we head out tomorrow. What say we start a scandal by you staying the night again, eh?” Ellana asks playfully as she pulls back the bedclothes, getting ready to settle in. Dorian elegantly rises from where he’s been seated and crosses the room to stoke the fire and add more wood to keep the room warm whilst they sleep. Just as he throws the last log onto the newly growing fire, a knock comes from the chamber door downstairs. 

“Oooh, visitors at this hour, Lavellan. Something you want to tell me, my dear?” Dorian teases as he makes his way towards the stairs. 

“I honestly have no idea. Just tell them to sod off before they decide to barge in,” Ellana replies, throwing Dorian a pleading look as his head disappears from her line of sight. From where she is in the room she can’t determine who Dorian is speaking with, with just muted whispers being audible, so it comes as a surprise when the distinct sound of  _ two _ pairs of feet make their way back up.

Dorian re-appears first then Cassandra follows behind, the nervous wringing of her hands feeling completely foreign to Ellana, who has always admired Cassandra’s ability to look in control of every situation she finds herself in. Dorian walks towards her looking sheepish, grabbing Ellana by the shoulders and placing a kiss on her forehead before speaking in a hushed tone, “That woman is as bloody headstrong as you are. Just, let her speak. If you need me, I’ll be on the balcony admiring the view, ok?” With one final squeeze he lets go of her shoulders and walks over to the balcony doors closest to her desk, opening and closing them behind him quietly as he makes his exit to give them a semblance of privacy.

The awkwardness between the two women is palpable, with neither one daring to break the silence first. Deciding to just get whatever conversation that's in her immediate future out of the way, Ellana sighs and scrubs one of her hands across her face before crossing her arms defensively across her chest and asking, “Seeker Pentaghast, is there something you needed that couldn’t wait until the morning?” 

Cassandra visibly stiffens at the formality of her tone and rigidly stands at her full height. “Ell- Inquisitor - I came to ask why you’re leaving me behind on this coming mission, and to ask you to reconsider, if you’re willing.” 

Ellana sighs, and makes her way over to lean on the edge of her desk, the casual air of her actions hopefully hiding the nerves she actually feels. “I elected to  _ leave you behind _ because I thought your skills would be better used to help Cullen and his lieutenants come up with more varied training regimens for our new and existing recruits,” she replies stiffly, studying her nails. “Is this going to be a problem, Seeker?” 

Cassandra flushes at the implication and stammers, “O-of course not Inquisitor, I simply wanted to clear up any confusion I might have had on the matter.” 

At this lull, the awkwardness seeps it way back into the room. Cassandra shuffles uncomfortably, looking like she is having an internal battle about what to say next. Whatever part of her that was arguing for her to speak appears to have won because her words come out in such a hurried jumble that takes a few seconds to Ellana to comprehend what she has said. “Inquisitor,  _ Ellana _ , please take care out there. I worry that if you are injured, I will feel in part responsible because I am not there to protect you, like I am sworn to do as both a member of the Inquisition and as your  _ friend. _ ” At the last part Ellana finally stops staring through her nails and her eyes snap to Cassandra’s, who is looking at her in a way that Ellana can’t quite comprehend. Cassandra, picking up on her confused expression, laughs sadly, before replying to the unasked question lingering in Ellana’s gaze. “Just because I do not think I am capable of reciprocating you romantic intentions does not mean I do not actively care about  _ you, _ Inquisitor. I will always value your friendship.” 

“Thank-you?” Ellana replies with a weak smile.

“I am taking up too much of your time and you have a long journey ahead of you these coming days. Before I go, I wanted to give you this letter,” Cassandra says as she closes the distance between them, handing her a folded wad of parchment sealed with wax that she had secreted away somewhere on her person. Their fingers linger together momentarily after Ellana takes the letter and the two lock eyes before Cassandra breaks the silence by clearing her throat and stepping away. “Yes, well, safe travels Inquisitor, I will see you again when you return.”

Ellana can only nod as she watches Cassandra make her way downstairs and feels herself sag when she finally hears the door shut quietly behind her. Ellana closes her eyes and hangs her head forward, sighing in relief. Her hand idly rubs the spot where she felt the warmth of Cassandra’s bare skin touching hers, musing on the fact that it's one of the few times she's seen her without either her usual armour or gloves before returning her attention to the paper in her hand. Idly she picks the edges of the wax seal, slightly perplexed at the fact that the mark doesn’t bear the impression of the sender that is so common amongst human communications. 

Hearing the door from the balcony open Ellana hastily throws the letter onto the mess that is her desk behind her because she has no desire to read it with an audience or have Dorian ask questions about it either, making a mental note to remember to put it in her pack in the morning. 

“Well, that was unexpected. What exactly did our lovely Seeker Pentaghast want at such an hour?” Dorian asks as he shuts the door behind him to keep the cold mountain air at bay. 

“Hmmm?” Ellana hums distractedly. “Oh, she just wanted to ask why she wasn’t going on our expedition to the Exalted Plains tomorrow, and to see if I would reconsider leaving her behind.” Standing from her place against the desk Ellana makes her way back over to the bed, scrubbing her hands over her face to ease the ache behind her eyes and silently praying for no more interruptions. 

“I see,” says Dorian as he pulls off his boots and strips off the uncomfortable parts of his outfit in preparation for sleep. “And what did you tell her, exactly?”

Ellana flops down onto the bed and draws the covers up over herself, burrowing in as far as she can to keep warm. “I told her that I thought her talents would be better used to help Cullen train our troops,” comes Ellana’s muffled response as she finally settles into a comfortable position. 

“Well, I didn’t hear any arguing, so I assume she took that quite well?” Dorian asks as he makes his way under the covers with far more elegance than Ellana thinks she’ll ever be capable of. 

“She did. Not that I really gave her much of a choice” and at Dorian’s curious expression she elaborates “I…. Might have maybe pulled rank on her.” 

Dorian laughs, rolling over to give Ellana a loose hug and a kiss on her forehead. “Oh, of  _ course _ you did, that's my girl. Now, goodnight, and I will see you in the morning.” Dorian rolls away leaving a companionable distance between them and settles in comfortably, closing his eyes. Ellana can only hum in agreement as she quickly slips into a sound sleep beside him. 

  
  
  


Ellana wakes early the next morning to the sounds of Dorian rustling around the room so he can return to his quarters and make his final preparations before leaving. “Ah. Good to see you’re finally awake,” Dorian says when he notices Ellana sitting up and stretching lithely, before kicking off the linens and swinging out of bed. “Your breakfast should be here shortly, but I need to return to my quarters to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything before we leave.” A yawn wide enough to crack Ellana’s jaw is her only response as Dorian makes his way out.

Ellana washes up quickly, knowing that it's likely the last chance she will have to do so for at least a week and braids her silvery hair into her customary style, and secures the excess in a low bun. She quickly dresses in her armour and is securing the last of the buckles on her breastplate when one of the kitchen hands arrives with her morning meal of fruits and bread.

“Good morning Lialle” Ellana says brightly as she makes her way over to grab the items from her.

“G-good morning Inquisitor” The small elven girl stammers, bowing lowly.

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me “Ellana”?  _ Inquisitor _ is so boring” Ellana says in mock protest, with her hands on her hips.

“My apologies Inq- Ellana. I hope you enjoy your meal.” Lialle says nervously. Ellana suspects a small amount of hero worship on her part, as well as not being used to being treated as an equal by someone of Ellana’s standing is the cause of the girls nerves, and makes an effort to try to have a conversation with her everytime she brings her her meals.

“Safe travels Inquisitor” Lialle says with a bow as she makes her exit.

 

Ellana eats her meal as she finishes the last of her packing, setting her used plate along the rest of the things that need to be taken back to the kitchens to be cleaned when she is done. Looking around the room making sure she has grabbed everything that she needs for her extended leave before grabbing her pack and making her way down the stairs. She gets to the door before she realises that she’s left the note that Cassandra gave her the night before on her desk and quickly makes her way back up the stairs to retrieve it, twisting it between her hands thoughtfully before she tucks is securely in one of the hidden pockets in the lining of her coat, then finally making her way to the stables.

The lower courtyard is a hive of activity, with stable hands and scouts hurrying around readying mounts and securing supplies to the pack animals that are bringing much needed supplies with them, for both the Harding and the Inquisition scouts with her and as a peace offering for the troops they’re hoping to meet out there. She makes her way over to her companions and gratefully takes her weapons from Dorian who has grabbed them from the armoury for her and learns that Dagna has made some ‘improvements’ for her as she secures her quiver and bow to her back and a small set of knives to her hips.

“You ready to go kick some demon ass Boss?” Bull calls loudly over the noise as they all mount up and start to walk their horses out of the stables towards the entrance of the keep.

“With you Bull? Always. Same bet as usual?” Ellana replies playfully.

“Loser buys drinks?” asks Bull smugly, because he has won this bet the last three missions he’s been on.

“Loser buys drinks” Ellana agrees laughing as they start making their way over the bridge out of the keep. Twisting in the saddle she checks to see where Blackwall and Dorian are, and sees a familiar dark haired figure standing on the battlements watching them leave. Unconsciously Ellana touches the pocket over her heart where the note from Cassandra is secreted away, and then waves to the figure, who after a moments hesitation waves in return. Ellana sighs as she twists to face forward in the saddle again. This is going to be a long mission she thinks to herself with resignation, and kicks her horse into a canter with a yell, knowing that the rest of her party will follow at the pace she sets.     

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait, I kinda got halfway before I realised I wasn't sure I was happy with the original direction and then Overwatch and Sombra went live and then Dishonoured 2 and then my Playstation account got stolen..... There were a lot of distractions but here we are.
> 
> This is unbeta'd so let me know of any mistakes and I'll track them down and fix them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated :)

The journey from Skyhold to the Exalted plains is uneventful. The snow capped mountains give way to thinly wooded grasslands as the group make their way down towards the flatlands, a sight that would normally leave Ellana humbled at the simple beauty of nature - one does not spend most of their lives living nomadically without developing a firm appreciation and respect of the natural world afterall - but after the past weeks events, she finds herself lost in her own thoughts most of the time. No matter how many times she tries to reassure herself that distance and time away from Cassandra is the best thing for her right now, a small part at the back of her mind stubbornly holds out hope and refuses to believe her (after all if she can’t convince herself, what hope does she really have?). 

The party makes good time to their destination, with their journey taking just under a week, fortunately having not encountered any ambushes on the road beyond one group of overly cocky mercenaries who were taken care of with relative ease, something she suspected Bull was slightly disappointed by. Surprisingly, Dorian was giving her a lot of space to herself, and as much as she had enjoyed the companionship over the past week she was thankful to have time on her own to process everything that had happened in a short amount of time, not that there was much time to linger on the subject. Travelling as out in the open as they were in a small party and constantly being on alert to everything going on in their surroundings took up a lot of her thoughts. The group forgoed the use of their tents whilst travelling and spent most nights sleeping around the small campfire they lit to cook their meals, the lack of privacy giving Ellana an excuse to keep ignoring the letter from Cassandra that was still secreted away in the lining of her coat, heavy with potential that Ellana couldn’t really begin to fathom.

 

Watching the smokey lapis sky turn vivid shades of fiery orange in the last light before moon rise, Ellana and her companions finally reach the forward scout camp late in the afternoon of their fifth day of travel. As much as she enjoys the company of her inner circle, in her current state of mind she is thankful for the familiar face of Scout Harding that greets them happily when they arrive and then briefs them on the activity in the area before retiring for the night to set out in the morning. 

 

The groups progress through the Plains is slow going but steady, with it taking them over a fortnight to finally clear the ramparts of the hordes of undead that have been swarming from them and to destroy the strange pits that seem to be their source. The exhaustion of their long days makes it easier for Ellana to avoid all thought of Cassandra as most nights she is asleep within minutes of making her way into her tent. The early hours of the morning are a different story though. As a light sleeper and because of her nomadic life in the forest, the slightest outside noise usually wakes her, something that when sharing a tent with Cassandra (a habit the woman insisted on for her piece of mind as well as Ellana’s protection Ellana suspected) wasn’t as much of a worry with Cassandra there, because at least she would have someone there to help if there  _ was _ something out there (even if the time with the nugs was a false alarm). Without her usual companion, Ellana has found that she is hyper aware of all the noise around them in the early hours and today she finds is no different. She has considered asking Dorian to share her tent with her, but she has suspicions that something is going on between him and Bull and doesn’t want to do anything to get in the way of that. Most days her sheer exhaustion makes it easy to fall back asleep after waking, but tonight sleep has become elusive and all she has to distract her are the thoughts that she’s been avoiding for the past weeks.

With a sigh Ellana flops back down onto her bedroll and scrubs her face in frustration, at both the thoughts she can’t seem to shake and the frustration of her tiredness. Rolling onto her side she pulls the letter she has been hesitant to open from under her pillow and twists it in her fingers staring absently at the side of the tent that Cassandra usually occupies. Her excuses for not finally breaking that wax seal are becoming thinner by the day, and despite being happy to live unaware of what was so important that Cassandra felt the need to visit her so late at night to deliver to her chambers in person, Ellana’s curiosity is starting to get the better of her. Not wanting to risk lighting a candle at this time of night with the amount of wolves and demons that are still wandering around the plains, Ellana shoves the paper back under her pillow and sighs again in frustration.

She’s not entirely sure what it is she misses the most about Cassandra in her absence. She misses her physical presence yes, but even that is somehow more than just her body. She misses the security of having someone with her at night, and the warmth that it brings. She misses the subtle smell that is purely Cassandra, that is the culmination of her and the leather of armour and the oil that she uses to clean her sword and metal plate every evening. Even that warm earthy smell that lingers about her person that Ellana can never pinpoint the source of, but is always  _ there _ . She misses the quiet conversation they would have before settling at night, how endearing it was when Cassandra’s accent would thicken with fatigue, becoming even more attractive to Ellana somehow. In mornings like this Ellana misses the sure and steady breaths reminding her of the quiet nights listening to the life of the forest before she was separated from her people and how easily they helped lull her back to sleep. The unguarded manner in which Cassandra - who usually does the last overnight guardwatch - greets Ellana most mornings with a warm mug of freshly brewed tea and a softly murmured “good morning” when she is more often than not the first to emerge from the tents every morning (she hasn’t altered her sleeping habits to be able to spend a few moments alone with Cassandra in the mornings, honest). 

On the battlefield these past weeks she has missed the easy synchronicity they have, with each other being able to anticipate what the other needs without words, be it Cassandra never letting enemies get too close to her as Ellana skillfully picks them off from a distance with her bow, or Ellana taking out enemies that are trying to flank Cassandra from her blind spot. Although she has utmost faith in Blackwall’s ability as a fighter, there have been a few near misses where enemies have flanked Ellana from her right side because she was used to Cassandra covering her and their approach had gone unnoticed by her in the heat of battle. Cassandra has been working with her on her battlefield awareness, but having only ever been a solitary hunter alone in the forest it is still something she is improving on. 

Hearing the sounds of nature shift to that of pre-dawn, Ellana gives up on getting any more rest and starts to slowly ready herself for the day, stretching languidly as she rises. Wetting a cloth with water from one of her skins she freshens up as best as she can, wistfully imagining the herb infused hot bath she’s going to have when she gets home to Skyhold (bathing in ice cold rivers have lost their appeal). Ellana quickly dresses into her armour, tucking the letter from Cassandra back into its usual spot in her coat and quietly makes her way out of the tent, stopping long enough to grab a hot mug of tea from the campfire and bid Blackwall a good morning. The Exalted plains are one of the most beautiful places she has visited during her time in the Inquisition, even though the current civil war has destroyed most of it, the natural splendour more than compensates. Ellana makes her way from their camp by the river down to the jetty on the water, just as first rays of dawn start to colour the sky. Sipping her tea and listening to the water steadily make its way downriver, Ellana takes a moment to appreciate the calm of morning before they set out to investigate the forts that seem to be the source of more demon activity. Draining the last of her tea, Ellana swings her legs idly over the edge of the jetty watching as the clouds in the sky are painted fierce shades of orange, working their way through the blue like thoughtless brushstrokes. Her ears perk up when she hears the sounds of quiet footsteps approaching and turns to see that Dorian is making his way towards her with two steaming bowls in hand.

“Goodmorning Ellana,” Dorian greets her, as he takes a seat beside her and hands her one of the bowls asking “Sleep well?”

“Well enough I suppose.” Ellana answers, as she stirs the porridge in her bowl, in hopes of helping to cool faster.

“Uh huh.” Dorian hums skeptically, none too subtly taking in Ellana’s dishevelled appearance with a critical sweep of his gaze before spooning some of his porridge into his mouth (It is beyond Ellana how he can somehow make such an action almost look haughty)

“Oh alright fine” Ellana huffs around a mouthful of her own food before swallowing  “I haven’t slept through the night for weeks and the only thing I want right now is a hot bath and my bed. Happy?”

“At your lack of sleep? No. That I’ve managed to get more than four words out of you at once? Yes. Why didn’t you say anything about your sleeping trouble, you know I have no problem sharing with you?” Dorian asks softly.

Ellana sighs, looking back over at the mountains as she speaks “I didn’t want to impose on you, and it's probably not wise for the Inquisitor to be seen sharing a tent with a man outside the security of Skyhold, never know who might be watching after all.”

“Fair point I guess.” Dorian agrees nodding slowly “Any idea why you might be having difficulty sleeping though?

Ellana chews her lip in contemplation before speaking “I… think I’m just used to the company of Cassandra. As strange as it sounds I feel…. safer knowing she is there if anything happens in the night, if that makes sense?”

“One thing I’ll give that woman, she takes the task of protecting you quite seriously.” Dorian agrees “Though if I didn’t know any better I would almost say that you miss her.” Dorian lightly teases, bumping her arm with his own, moustache quirking as he smirks.

“I certainly miss her company. Though I think I miss her sword arm on the battlefield more.” Ellana finishes with a laugh.

“Yes I did notice your few near misses with those awful skeletons.” Dorian shudders in remembrance. “Are you regretting leaving her behind?”

Ellana pauses “ Yes. And no. The distance has been good, but at the sametime its…. been strange” Ellana trails off in thought, remembering some of the things that were said between the two of them the night before she left.

The two drift into a companionable silence as they finish off their morning meal, watching the sunrise together, before Ellana breaks the silence between them again. Perhaps telling Dorian about what was said whilst he was out on the balcony that night might help her make sense of it? Anything is worth a try at this point Ellana thinks to herself.

“She said she cared for me,” - Ellana breaks the silence with, instantly getting Dorian’s attention - “She said that she would feel responsible if something happened to me out here and she wasn’t around to protect me. What does that even mean?” Ellana asks running her hands through her hair in frustration, disrupting the intricate network of plaits weaved through her hair in the process. “She wrote me a letter” Ellana finishes before Dorian has a chance to respond, drawing it out of her breast pocket.

“I had wondered why you kept touching yourself there these past weeks” Dorian muses “I take it you haven’t actually read it yet though?”

“No.” Ellana states simply.

“Why not?” 

“I- I think it's easier not to right now. What if it's more of what she said that afternoon on the battlements? I don’t know if I could handle that right now” Ellana explains

“You will read it before we leave to return to Skyhold yes? If I know Cassandra she will want to discuss whatever its contents are with you when you return. Whatever it is she felt the need to swallow her pride and speak with you directly to give it to you” Dorian states with finality

“I’ll think about it” Ellana answers as she stands gathering their things and heads down to the water to rinse their bowls off to be put back in their packs. “Now come on we need to get this show on the road, the sooner we check out these demons the sooner we can go back over to those ruins we saw when we first got here.” Ellana says as she makes her way back up to camp, knowing that Dorian will follow.

 

Clearing out the demons in the area around the forts was easier than the group anticipated, as they had the aid of the forces that had been trapped by them, and they only encountered two fade rifts in need of closing (Ellana has decided that as much she  _ hates _ Terror Demons, she’ll gladly take them over the Revenants that seem to be  _ everywhere _ in the Plains). With the aid of the rescued troops, it takes just over a week to completely secure the area. 

Marking on a crudely drawn map areas where the assistance of the Inquisition forces would be needed to rebuild a broken bridge and clear a cave in that had obscured the entrance to an area that looked to be where one of the rogue Templars Cassandra had requested the Inquisition investigate appeared to be hiding, Ellana pens a quick note to Leliana asking her to make sure the necessary actions were taken to make it happen and sends the missive off to Skyhold on a borrowed raven.

  
“So Boss, what’s your score so far?” Bull asks, sitting beside her at camp a few nights after leaving the fort where Gaspard’s forces were holed up.

“Only forty seven,” Ellana sighs in defeat “You?”

“Not bad not bad. Fifty three for me.” Bull replies

“Only fifty three? If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were going easy on me Bull.” Ellana teases

“Yeah well you know I hear things. Now I’m not one to take sides but I’m here if you need me, be it for a drink or something else.” Bull finishes with a wink (At least Ellana thinks it a wink, she can never tell with his eyepatch)

“Thanks Bull. I appreciate it. Now I think it's time to retire, Cullen’s troops should finish clearing that cave in tomorrow and I foresee a big day of adventure for us tomorrow” - Ellana says brushing herself off as she stands - “I’ll see you in the morning, have a good watch Bull” She calls over her shoulder as she makes her way over to her tent     

  
  


Cullen’s troops finish clearing a path by mid morning, and after establishing a base within the group decide to trek out to see what they can find of use in the area. After encountering and closing a rift as well as a few Wyverns, the group decide to keep going with the few hours of daylight they have left before they head back to camp for the night. 

“You know, when I said I was looking forward to having a bath this  _ isn’t _ exactly what I had in mind” Ellana says as she gracelessly pulls herself out of the water after falling on her rear because she’d slipped on a rock that had been slicker than she thought. “Makers balls this water is  _ freezing _ ” Ellana complains as she can feel her undershirt sticking to her torso under her leathers.

“Our fearless Inquisitor, defeated by slippery rocks and cold water. What would the people of Thedas think?” Dorian mocks lightheartedly. 

“Oh shut it Dori- wait what's that up there?” Ellana trails off, seeing a group of people on the bank not to far from where they are.

“If you think I’m going to fall for that you’re sorely mistaken.” Dorian replies haughtily

“No, Boss is right, there's people over there,” Bull interrupts the two before their bickering can attract the attention of the group. “If we keep quiet we can surprise them, there’s only two of them but they don’t look real friendly.”

“I think they might be one of those Templars Cassandra wanted to track down. Bull, Blackwall, you guys go ahead Dorian and I will cover you from behind” Ellana says, preparing some of the powder she uses to obscure her presence on the battlefield. “I’ll stun one of them to distract them” Ellana says before she sets herself up to use the full draw of her bow to deliver a powerful shot to the more armoured of their opponents. “Go!” Ellana exhales as she looses the arrow, the twang of her bow ringing satisfyingly in her ear as she watches her target drop. Their plan went off well, but in their haste the group failed to realise that there was a third opponent, something Ellana and Dorian discover too late when Ellana is charged from the side by a shielded Templar. Dazed Ellana hears Dorian’s angry yell of “Inquisitor!” over the ringing in her head and the sharp pain that has erupted in her chest and collarbone, before fading into unconsciousness.

 

Ellana wakes slowly, the softness beneath her a direct contrast to the pounding headache she has and the pain that seems to be taking over the right side of her body, and groans loudly in protest.

“Ah, good to see you’re back with us dear, you worried us there for a bit.” Dorian greets her  from his seat beside her “You’ll be happy to know that I managed to mend the bones, but I can’t do anything about the muscle or the brusing, that has to heal on its own. I’ve bound your ribs and the arm will have to stay in a sling, but everything should heal fine within a couple of weeks.”

“What would I do without you,” Ellana says with a grunt, wincing as she works her way into a seated position as best as she can with one arm and angry ribs. “How long was I out?” 

“Most of the night. I gave you a draught to help with the pain and to help you sleep. It's just after dawn now.” Dorian tells her as he offers her a hand to help her stand, which Ellana takes gratefully. “I saved this from getting ruined by your wet armour. You really need to open it woman.” Dorian says handing her that letter that she has been avoiding for the past five weeks, retrieved from one of the many pockets in his robes.

“If I read it right now, would it make you happy?” Ellana asks as she takes it from him.

“It doesn’t matter what I want. I do think you need to stop avoiding all feelings about the situation altogether though, it’s no good for you in the long run” Dorian sighs as he places his hand on her uninjured shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “But if you happen to read it whilst I step out to start preparing breakfast….” Dorian trails off.

“Oh alright fine, but if I start crying I’m blaming you. Now shoo. A girl needs her privacy and the privy right now” Ellana lightheartedly tells Dorian as she ushers him out of the tent, and makes her way over to the privy to relieve herself. Ellana has only been awake for half an hour and has already decided that trying to do everything one handed is terrible, and the fact that she’s trying to do it with her  _ left _ hand is even worse because it may as well be a strangers, considering how bad it is a following her brains instructions. The light is still too dim to read in the tents, so Ellana finds a quiet spot out of the way but still in sight of the main camp to settle and after taking a deep breath to prepare herself, finally breaks the wax seal on the letter and begins to read.

 

_ Dearest Ellana, _

_ I must apologise for my actions earlier this week. I had hoped to speak with you in person, but I suspect you were avoiding me and I do not wish to leave things the way they are between us, I value your friendship and comradery far too much to not be compelled to be completely honest with you. It occurs to me that although a letter is impersonal it gives me the opportunity to properly articulate my thoughts and explain my actions in a way that words would more than likely fail me. _

_ I will admit the confirmation of your intentions towards me came as a shock. I have only ever been with one man in my life, Regalyan, whom I have spoken of with you before. I had always assumed that my romantic interests have always been for men, because that is all I have ever experienced and I have not thought about it anymore than I have needed to. I must confess that after much introspection I have concluded that I may not be completely correct in that assumption. _

 

Oh. This is definitely not what she was expecting, could Cassandra be saying what shes thinks she saying? Ellana wonders to herself. Surely not. Maybe she had hit her head harder than she thought yesterday?

 

_ I was speaking the truth when I said that you being a woman and the Inquisitor was a problem for me. I do not wish to become a liability for you, something that our enemy could use against you to inflict pain. I have never entertained the thought of being with a woman, though, having spent so much time beside Leliana and knowing of her history with the Hero of Ferelden I am not unfamiliar with the practice. The thought of you, someone young and so beautiful would ever be interested in someone as undesirable as myself was so completely foreign to me that I fear that in my initial panic I behaved foolishly and reacted without thought. _

 

Surely Cassandra didn’t see herself as undesirable? Ellana pauses to wonder, her heart falling at the thought of Cassandra having so little regard for herself. Formidable and sometimes terrifying yes, but not undesirable. Her short cropped hair and angular features were un-traditionally attractive yes, as was her musculed figure, that spoke of a life of discipline and dedication, and the scars that littered her body. But those were just some of the things that Ellana found attractive about Cassandra, besides her honesty and loyalty, and the way that her accented tongue managed to wrap its way around the syllables of her name almost like a caress, how well she fills out her breeches…. Ellana shakes her head to clear her wayward train of thought and continues reading.

 

_ I remember that night after the fall of Haven when I left you on your own to face down Corypheus to flee with the rest of the Inquisition, the immense feeling of dread that I would never see you again, and the feeling of joy that encompassed my entire being and lit me from the inside like a fire when we found you lost in the snow early the next morning, half frozen and injured but very much alive. I realise now that that joy was somehow beyond the normal bond of friendship. I consider you one of my closest friends, and the thought that I could lose you cut me deeper than any other wound I have experienced. The thought of a life without you in it is a desolate one, and this past week has helped to solidify my belief in this. _

At this point Ellana is starting to feel giddy at Cassandra’s words. When Cassandra came to her the night before Ellana left she had thought that Cassandra’s nervousness was just her not knowing how to act after the awkwardness of their last encounter, now she thinks that it may have been in part caused by fear of Ellana’s reaction to her words.

_ When you told me that you admired my passion I had thought it just idle flattery, but now I realise I do not wish my passions to be limited to my past experiences and what I have read in smutty romance novels. If you would allow it I would like to discuss these matters further when you return from the Exalted Plains because to continue to do so in a letter feels too impersonal for the things I wish to say to you. _

_ I look forward to your return to Skyhold in the coming weeks and wish you safe travels. _

 

_ Yours, _

_ Cassandra _

 

_ Oh _ . Well that was unexpected. Ellana can feel the warm glow of hope seeping its way through her chest and the heavy weight that settled its way there all those weeks ago seems to lessen to an extent. Ellana idly traces the flow of Cassandra’s handwriting before folding the letter back up and tucking it back into her coat, and makes her way over to the campfire where Dorian is tending to the pot cooking away on the heat of it.

 

“How long did you say it would take for my injuries to heal completely?” Ellana asks, grabbing his attention.

“A few weeks, why?” Dorian replies.

“Well I can’t use weapons and I can’t expect you guys to cover me whilst we’re out here and vulnerable. I think we should return to Skyhold. Today.” Ellana reasons. “We can make good time on the way back if the roads are still clear and the weather’s fair in the Frostbacks.”

“True,” Dorian concedes, nodding in agreement “I take it you have good news to share?” Dorian smirks, his moustache twitching in amusement not believing for a moment that Ellana’s sudden desire to return to Skyhold is all to do with her injuries. “Are you sure you’re going to be able to manage the entire journey on horseback with your ribs the way they are?”

“What journey to where?” Bull loudly interrupts as he emerges from his tent.

“I’m a liability out here not being able to use my weapons to defend myself. I think it might be better if we return to Skyhold to regroup and come back again later” Ellana explains.

“Sounds good to me, I’m not about to complain about the prospect of a good drink and a proper bed and someone to share it with.” Bull agrees.

 

The group leave later in the morning and with a few stops manage to make it back to Skyhold within the week late one evening, not feeling the need to stop and make camp for the night when they were already so close to their destination. The group having their way lit by Dorian’s mage-light and the shining beacon that as Skyhold in the distance. Ellana winces at the forward scouts announcing the party's arrival by horn, knowing that it’s going to wake most of the keep, when all she really wants is to stable her horse and collapse in the solitude of her rooms, if only to take the pressure of constantly needing to stay upright off of her ribs for a few hours. 

As they make their way into the keep they’re greeted by a dishevelled looking Cullen who takes Ellana’s horse by the bridle as he leads it towards the stables.

“Inquisitor,” He greets “We weren’t expecting you. You’re injured.” He notes, looking at her arm still held tightly to her chest by a sling “Did something happen?” Cullen asks.

“I was blindsided by a Templar. Dorian mended the bones but the muscles were bruised quite badly as well. Figured it would be best for us to return seeing as I can’t use a bow with one hand” Ellana explains lightly “I don’t mean to be rude but do you think it would be possible to postpone our debrief until later tomorrow? I don’t know if I can stay awake for much longer” Ellana asks as she dismounts and swiftly un-tacks her mount, Cullen helping by putting the equipment away as Ellana leads the grey into its stall making sure it has food and water before covering it with a blanket to help ward off the night chill.

“Of course Inquisitor. A fresh head would be best after all. Do you want me to walk you to your quarters?” Cullen asks politely.

“No, thank-you, I’ll be fine, I’ll risk the shortcut through the kitchens” Ellana laughs before bidding the Commander and the rest of her companions a good night. On her way through the kitchens she encounters one of the serving girls and after requesting a bath for the morning, leaves with a jug of hot water as well as some food to eat in her quarters, which she secures in a basket knowing getting through the doors is hard enough with one hand, let alone whilst she’s trying to carry things. Ellana is thankful that the main hall is empty at this time of night and sighs in relief when she finally makes it to the top of the stairs in her rooms, setting the basket down on her desk so she can strip herself off and quickly clean up before retiring to bed. But first, she needs to relight the fire because it is way too dark and cold in her rooms with nothing but faint moonlight to illuminate the space. It doesn’t take long for the fire to take hold whilst she washes herself up, and Ellana doesn’t bother to put on anything more than an oversized tunic before sitting down to eat her small meal of bread and roast meat. Ellana makes her way over to her bed, untying the curtains on the sides but leaving the end open so she can watch the fire as she falls asleep. As she’s turning down the sheets Ellana notices a small bundle of dried wildflowers and fragrant herbs neatly tied and sitting on her pillows, and smiles fondly at them, fairly certain who they’re from and sets them out of the way so not to crush them and is asleep within minutes of crawling under the linens.

Ellana is woken the next morning by the smell of food and herbs and the sounds of water filling the copper bath that is in the small room used as a bathroom in her quarters and despite the early hour, the thought of finally being clean of all the dust and grime that's managed to accumulate on her person over the past weeks despite her best efforts, Ellana can’t bring herself to be irritated by interruption to her sleep. Ellana decides to let her freshly washed hair dry before re-securing it in her customary braids, and is just finishing the last of her morning meal whilst reading some of her paperwork when she hears a knock at her chamber door downstairs. Without looking up Ellana calls out “come in!” after hearing faint footsteps approaching finds herself face to face with Cassandra.   

  
  
  



	3. Part 1

_ Oh _ . 

 

She wasn’t expecting the sight of Cassandra to have any sort of effect on her, but seeing her well defined cheekbones - which are somehow more striking with the scar that runs underneath one like a reminder of how formidable a woman she is - and her quietly demanding physical presence after weeks of only having the memory of them, the sight of the real thing leaves Ellana slightly dumbstruck. Realising that her gaze has lingered on just this side of too long and that the silence in the room is edging into the realm of awkward, without thinking Ellana stands, inadvertently putting pressure on her still healing collar bone which causes her breath to catch in her chest, which in turn jolts her tender ribs and there is little Ellana can do to suppress the grimace that momentarily distorts her face as she curls in on herself clutching her ribs.

“Inquisitor!” - Cassandra calls to her in alarm, taking a step towards Ellana, and then stopping awkwardly, asking - “Are you injured? What happened?” 

Not seeing the point in flat out lying to Cassandra, knowing that the woman had a tendency of discovering the truth anyway, Ellana decides to tell the truth with as little detail as possible. “We were in the Crow Fens, after establishing a camp we decided to see what we could find in the area when we came across one of the Templars you were after. We thought there were less than there were and one of them managed to blindside me with a shield bash, broke some ribs and my collarbone. Dorian healed the breaks but the rest has to heal on its own. I… figured we should head back to Skyhold for me to heal properly because I was too much of a liability in the field unable to use any weapons.”

“Ugh, Ser Hildebrandt always was an opportunistic thug.” Cassandra starts, scowling darkly. “I am glad you took care of him though, even in my absence. It…. means a great deal to me.”

“Yes, well, I know how important the Seekers are to you,” Ellana responds casually, fiddling with one of the quills that is on her desk. “Did your work go well with Cullen? I didn’t really have time to speak to him last night when we got in at the hour we did” she asks, promptly changing the subject, dancing around the things she  _ wants _ to ask ( _ Did you miss me as much as I missed you?  _ feels like the most important) but doesn’t quite know where to begin.

“Ah. Yes. We managed to devise some new techniques and formations and find some senior officers who were willing and capable of training to help oversee or train groups on their own. I do not know how Cullen managed to come so far with the amount of troops he was overseeing on a daily basis with so little resources. It is really quite commendable considering his current circumstances” Cassandra remarks.

“I’m glad to hear it. The progress that is.” Ellana replies as the atmosphere of the room again drifts into that of an awkward silence.

“Inquisitor. Ellana. I came here as I wish to speak with you about certain matters if you have the time.” Cassandra hesitates, clearing her throat before she continues “I… think there are some things that we need to sort out.”

Ellana sighs “I agree, we do have things we need to discuss, but I have to speak with the others about our time in the Exalted Plains and I don’t know how long that will take. Would you be willing to have your evening meal with me here tonight so we can speak without threat of interruption or eavesdropping?” 

“I would like that very much” Cassandra agrees, meeting her gaze and holding it, looking very much like she is appraising Ellana’s appearance, and Ellana hopes she doesn’t notice the bags under her eyes or how tired she knows she looks given how tired she actually  _ feels _ . 

At Cassandra’s agreement Ellana feels a tension that she didn’t know she was holding slowly release, and finds herself excited for the evening ahead. But Cassandra is still looking at her like  _ that _ and it's puzzling, so cocking her head to the side in inquiry Ellana smirks and asks “What? Is there something on my face?”

Wait is Cassandra blushing? Yes. She is.  _ Shit. _

“What? Nothing. Wait, no!” Cassandra starts in a jumble before clearing her throat “I… don’t think I have ever seen you wear your hair like that before. It looks nice… I like it” Cassandra’s blush seeming to stand out more on her tanned skin than Ellana has ever noticed before (not that she can ever recall a time she has made the Seeker blush, beyond the time with the book Varric had helped gift her) and makes a mental note to herself to wear her hair down more often if it means she can continue being the cause of said blush in the future.

“Thanks I grew it myself” Ellana replies grinning, amused by the noise of disgusted protest that Cassandra makes in response, and gathers her shoulder blade length hair to secure away into a loose braid so it doesn’t turn unruly as it dries (she didn’t want another lecture about presentation and grooming standards from Vivienne) but finds that with her still healing injuries she can’t comfortably do so. Figuring there’s no harm in asking, Ellana steps out from behind her desk and makes her way over to Cassandra and asks “Um, would you mind giving me a hand? It appears I can’t braid with just the one.” handing her a small strip of leather to secure it with when Cassandra nods in acquiescence seemingly at a loss for words.

Ellana has to suppress a full body shudder when she feels Cassandra’s fingers gently card its way through her hair, blunt nails scratching at her scalp, and is thankful that her shirt has long sleeves to hide the goosebumps she can feel that have broken out all over her body.  _ Oh I could definitely get used to this  _ she finds herself thinking, letting out a long exhale of breath to calm herself slightly. Normally Ellana is one to shy away from touching and being touched by other people, but before she lost her mother several winters ago Ellana has fond memories of herself in situations similar to the one she is in now. In no time Cassandra has managed to secure all of her hair into a larger version of her own crown braid.

“You’ll have to teach me how to do that one day… its lovely. Thank-you” Ellana smiles, admiring Cassandra’s handiwork in the mirror above the fireplace.

“You’re welcome,” Cassandra blushes again at the compliment “Come, I will escort you to the War Room, it is on my way to the undercroft anyway” leading Ellana out with the ghost of her hand on the small of her back

“Oh new toys for you?” Ellana asks as they make their way down the stairs “You should have told me so I could have had something commissioned for you”

“Something like that. Though that is not necessary, I don’t want to use any more resources than I need to” Cassandra replies, ever practical.

“When it comes to you I think you’ll find we have the resources to spare Cassandra” Ellana states in a tone that leaves no room for argument, which she punctuates with a pointed look and an arched eyebrow. 

“Yes, well, it’s still not necessary” Cassandra mumbles as they make the rest of the way down the stairs and to the door that leads to Josephine’s office in a comfortable silence.

“I will see you later this evening.” Cassandra nods, smiling softly and bowing slightly at Ellana as they part ways.   

And as Cassandra confidently strides her way across the great hall to the passageway that leads down to the undercroft, Ellana finds herself taking a moment to enjoy the view. Making her way inside she sees Josephine’s desk empty, knowing that the others have likely started without her - again, and asks her assistant to make arrangements for dinner to be served in her chambers that night before finally making it into the war room.    

  
  


Filling in the advisors takes a reasonably quick time. However the rest of the briefing is taken up by Cullen giving her a more detailed recount of what Cassandra has already told her and of various troop and scout movements throughout Thedas and in the valley surrounding Skyhold. Josephine takes the longest talking about the affairs of the nobles trying to affiliate with the Inquisition for the elevation in status and to be  _ seen _ doing it in the first place.

“We have been invited to Empress Celene’s Masquerade at the Winter Palace to be held in three months time,” Josephine starts “As one of the most prominent figures in all of Thedas you will be the guest of honor so we have much to do to prepare you for your debut at court. Leliana, Vivienne and myself will teach you etiquette and the basics of The Game and I’m sure we can find someone who would be willing to be your dance partner whilst Madame Vivienne instructs you one what are currently the most fashionable dances this season….” 

Ellana doesn’t remember much of what else was discussed in the meeting, as she tuned out most of whatever Josephine was saying, focusing instead on the melodic cadence of her voice instead of the actual words she was saying, nodding and humming in agreement at the appropriate lulls in conversation. Still tired from her long journey home whilst recovering from her injuries and her early start , the fatigue must begining to show despite Ellana’s best efforts at hiding it, because after Cullen and Ellana share another suffering look between themselves across the War Room table Leliana interrupts Josephine with; 

“Josie I think that is enough for today, The Inquisitor is still recovering from her travels and her injuries, perhaps it would be best if we discussed this further  in a few days, no?” 

“Oh - of course. There is so much to do I’m getting ahead of myself” Josephine agrees, stammering. 

Ellana closes her eyes momentarily in relief and mouths a quick “Thank-you” to Leliana before Cullen and her make their escape, parting ways in the area Solas has claimed as his own.

  
  


“Dorian, I need help” Ellana says in way of greeting, flopping into the chair in Dorian’s nook of the library, after finally escaping from the war room after Leliana’s intervention.

“Oh hello Dorian, how are you? Good? Me too!” Dorian teases as he turns from the books he’s reshelving in meticulous order to greet Ellana, “Oh you’re serious. What is it?” he says sobering as he takes in the frown on her face, not even bothering to say anything about Ellana sitting with her legs over the armrest for once.

“I’m having dinner with Cassandra tonight. Alone.” Ellana blurts, figuring ‘straightforward’ is the easiest approach to the situation right now. “If she wants to talk to me about what I think she does I want to something  _ nice _ for her, you know? But I don’t know what? Something simple but not over the top I guess.” Ellana finishes with a frustrated huff.  

“Well you can never really go wrong with flowers or chocolates. Or there's promises you don’t intend to keep… ok maybe not that last one,” Dorian finishes after a noise of protest from Ellana “But definitely the flowers.” to which Ellana hums in agreement nodding.

“I’ll go to the gardens after I finish speaking to you, I want to check on the progress of my herbs after leaving them for so long anyway.”

“How are your injuries holding up? You look like you’re starting to move a little easier?”

“E I ditched the sling because I didn’t want to have to deal with the questions. Though the one person I was hoping wouldn’t find out witnessed them first hand this morning when they decided to pay me a visit. That was fun. She took it rather well though - better than I originally thought she would at least.” 

“Give her time, I’m sure she’ll surprise you. This is Cassandra we’re talking about after all, I’m sure if she could find a plausible way to cart you around Southern Thedas wrapped up in cotton wool she would, despite your protests.” Dorian says with a smirk.

“She really would wouldn’t she” Ellana says as she imagines such a scenario, and can’t help but snort at the visual. “Maker, I’d even  _ volunteer _ to do so for our trip to the Emprise. Even Harding complained about the place, so you  _ know _ it's bad.”

“A truer word about that woman has never been spoken,  I'm sure. Though how she manages to stay so _ chipper  _ despite all the places she manages to find herself in is both a mystery and a credit to her. ” Dorian agrees. “Now,  as much as I would love to spend the rest of the afternoon in your wonderful company,  I know you well enough by now to know that you're going to fret over the details of your evening plans,  so I suggest you give yourself enough time to do so” 

Knowing a dismissal when she hears one, Ellana takes her leave and decides to head down towards the market vendors to see if they have any of the items she wants in stock and within an hour she has what she needs, and has managed to pick enough wildflowers and herbs from around the keep and courtyard garden  for several bouquets,  not just the small bundle she was originally planning to give. 

Ellana spends the rest of the afternoon channelling her nervous energy into cleaning her already clean personal quarters and rearranging the furniture so that the lounge she normally has against the railing above the staircase is in the centre of the room in front of the fireplace (it doesn't take long for Ellana to decide that she likes it enough to keep it there,  and not just because of how much effort it took to move it in the first place.) and clears her desk to accommodate a meal for two,  figuring eating on said lounge wouldn't be entirely appropriate. 

Whilst moving the lounge Ellana discovers one of her small packs she had thought lost after returning from the plains having not been able to find it to put it with the rest of her expedition gear in the small storage room in the back of her quarters earlier. Rifling through it's contents because she's fairly certain there's a few things in there she wants to sell and to take down to Dagna when she finds tucked away at the bottom of the bag still wrapped in the velvet she found it in the  _ perfect _ (well,  she hopes it is at least)  gift for Cassandra. Hiding it away in the top drawer of her desk,  Ellana finally takes note of the quickly fading light making it's way through the glass doors in her quarters and quickly sets herself to lighting all of the candles she has scattered around the room,  and the several extra she acquired earlier that day running errands. Taking a moment to survey her surroundings,  Ellana is happy with her handiwork,  with candles dotted around the room (even on the railing to the alcove above her bed,  which Ellana thinks is a nice touch) coupled with the light from the fireplace giving the space a warm and cosy atmosphere that reminds her of nights spent around camp-fires sharing stories over the evening meal with her clan. Ellana is lighting the last of the candles on her desk when she hears a rapping on the door downstairs and bids enter thinking it's one of the serving staff with the meal she had organised to be brought to her quarters earlier,  but is greeted by the sight of Cassandra approaching her with a basket and a bottle of wine and a soft,  nervous smile on her face. 

“I encountered one of the staff outside your quarters downstairs and thought I would save her the trip. ” Cassandra explains,  looking smaller than usual,  having shed her normal armour in favour of soft leather breeches and slip on shoes,  with a loose fitting linen shirt covered by an unbuttoned jacket to stave off the chill that descends on the keep after nightfall. Ellana can't help but stare at the sight for a moment,  and appreciate the fact that Cassandra is comfortable enough around her to be so casual in her attire. 

“Hey, ” Ellana exhales,  smiling crookedly at Cassandra in greeting,  feeling butterflies starting to dance nervously around the weight that has been sitting in her chest for months now. “Just set that down on the table and I'll grab some glasses.” the says as she walks over to a small cabinet and retrieves some clean glasses. Turning back,  Ellana's mouth goes dry at the sight of Cassandra slipping out of her jacket at the warmth in her quarters, her well defined arms and shoulders straining against the fabric as she moves to hang the garment on the back of her chair. 

The pair make quick work preparing the table for their meal and share idle chatter about things that happened whilst Ellana was away and amusing things that had happened  out in the field whilst Cassandra remained in Skyhold;

“Bull had somehow gotten himself surrounded by these walking corpse _ things _ so he just,  he swung his axe in this massive arc with enough force to send them flying higher than the trenches we were in,  and it was the most majestic thing I think I've ever seen him do” Ellana finishes laughing,  explaining the strange body pits on the ramparts that were the source of the undead plaguing the area between bites of her meal. The pair finish eating and clear the remnants of their meal away into the basket it came in and retreat to the comfort of the lounge in front of the fireplace,  Ellana hesitating before grabbing another bottle from the hiding place that Dorian hasn't discovered yet. 

The pair sit in silence for a few minutes  watching the flames dance as it consumes the wood in the hearth,  Ellana is more interested in watching Cassandra out of the corner of her eye though, and finds herself admiring the play of shadows on her angular features in the flickering light.  _ Maker she is so beautiful,   _ all full lips and sharp cheekbones, long eyelashes fluttering with each blink,  framing her dark hazel eyes that whilst unguarded,  appear to be deep in contemplation.  Ignoring the butterflies in her stomach,  Ellana takes one last swig of her drink,  emptying the glass and setting it on the small table in front of her, and seats herself with legs tucked underneath her leaning on the back of the lounge facing Cassandra,  careful not to put too much pressure on her still tender ribs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I felt pretty terrible I was taking so bloody long to finish this last chapter I decided to split it into two parts..... Sorry not sorry for where the break happens to fall though.... Feedback and comments give my cold heart life and I appreciate all of them. Thanks again to Spectre_Tabris who puts up with my whining and dubious grasp of sentence structure/English in general. For those of you who have a tumblr I can be found there with the user name 'cassandra-pentughasst'


	4. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so huge thanks to everyone for leaving comments and kudos on this. I never thought anyone would enjoy this considering how many other talented writers occupy this tiny little niche of the fandom, let alone the amount of you that did. This somehow just kept getting longer and longer as a wrote it, and some of it may be subject to change as this is kinda sorta loosely edited, so if there's something really weird feel free to point it out and I'll fix it. This is my first fic yes, but I'm definitely going to try my hand at writing more of these two at some point in the future.
> 
> Thank again as usual to Spectre_Tabris for putting up with me and our time differences

“I missed you” Ellana says quietly, breaking the companionable silence and drawing Cassandra's attention away from the fireplace. “It wasn't the same without you out there. And not just because of how well we work together on the battlefield” Ellana says with a grin. 

“Oh?” Cassandra asks shifting to mirror her position so they're sitting face to face. 

“Turns out sleeping in a tent by myself is almost impossible.  Who knew your snoring was good for something,  let alone lulling me back to sleep?”

“I do not snore!” Cassandra protests,  before taking in the straight face Ellana is struggling to keep. “Ugh. You're teasing me.”

“I'm sorry,  I've been lacking for good wine and good company these past months. I'm afraid with my current abundance of both it's going to my head” Ellana laughs lightheartedly.  

“Flatterer” 

“I try” Ellana smiles,  and picks nervously at the pattern woven into the fabric of the lounge as a lull in conversation settles between the two. 

“I missed you too” Cassandra says so quietly Ellana would have missed it if it weren't for her sensitive Elven hearing. “It is so strange,  how much things have changed between us since we first met. I will admit I was not myself then,  with everything that had happened in such a short time,  and I am slightly ashamed of my hostility towards you at the time. But I am glad we are… friends now”

“Yes.  _ Friends _ ” Ellana remarks dryly.

“I assume you have an idea as to what I wish to speak to you about yes?” Cassandra asks in a tone that Ellana can’t quite read. 

Not trusting her voice to not give away the nervousness that has returned, Ellana nods.

“I have told you in the past that I have a history of action before thought yes? As I mentioned in my letter, I - that day on the balcony I lied. Both to myself and to you. I have never been with a woman yes, but neither have I been with many men, not that I can say that I think many have ever been interested in me beyond my family name and title. I know what I want for myself in a partner, I want someone who can woo me and sweep me off my feet, but at the same time I want someone who values me for who I am and what I believe in, and is there to support me when things are good and bad. Yes, I want a lover and all of the passion and romance that goes with a relationship of that nature, but more importantly I want a  _ friend _ . A confidant, someone who I can rely on, but who will also let me keep my independence. The more I have thought about it, the more I feel I already had the beginnings of that with you” Cassandra pauses, scrubbing her face with her hands before shifting closer on the lounge so she can take both of Ellana’s hands in her own gently, holding them as if they’re made of glass. “If you are willing, I - I would like to try courting you properly, to see what happens” Cassandra finishes in a rush, sounding as unsure of herself as Ellana has ever heard her - almost as much as she was after finding out the truth behind the Seeker Order.

 

_ Oh. _

 

As much as Ellana had been expecting hearing something like this from Cassandra, part of her - in self preservation - didn’t want to believe it until she heard it from Cassandra herself, because Ellana is certain that emotionally, she can’t handle the thought of Cassandra rejecting her again because it would more than likely destroy her. But at Cassandra’s words Ellana can feel the heaviness that has been buried in her chest for the past few months lessen, slipping out of her with each breath until all that's left is a feeling of elation bubbling within her so strongly she fears she could burst. Smiling so widely she can feel her ears twitch and hear it in her voice, Ellana twines her fingers together with Cassandra’s, squeezing lightly. “I would like that very much, though I have some conditions”

Cassandra’s face falls momentarily at Ellana’s words before asking “Oh? And what are those?”

“Firstly, I fully intend to court you in return, you deserve everything you just said you wanted and much much more, and I  fully intend to be the one to give it to you.” Ellana says as she watches the emotions shift from concern to relief on Cassandra’s face. “Secondly I want you to let me know if things are going too fast for you or are making you uncomfortable so we can stop or slow it down. Your happiness is the most important thing to me and I want you to know that you can approach me about anything at anytime” 

“That sounds reasonable - thank you” Cassandra says, returning Ellana’s smile just as widely,  squeezing her hands in return. 

Remembering the flowers she went to the effort of picking that were forgotten when Cassandra arrived earlier than she'd planned and the item she has secreted away in her desk drawer,  Ellana grins and tells Cassandra to stay put as she gets up to gather the items, telling Cassandra to close her eyes before returning to her spot on the lounge close enough for their thighs to brush when she sits back down.

“Ok, you can open them now” Ellana says holding out the bundle of flowers in front of her.

The elated smile that spreads across Cassandra’s face is the only reward she needs, and if it meant she had pick her flowers to see her smile like that everyday Ellana gladly would, even if it meant she had to plant extra to keep up with demand.

“How did you find so many?” Cassandra asks, taking the bundle and giving them a sniff. “They’re beautiful - thank you”

“You just have to know where to look I guess. I never realised  how many plants we had growing in the keep of Skyhold until today” Ellana says with a laugh. “Here, I have something else for you,” handing her the velvet wrapped item, feeling slightly apprehensive, because what if it's a stupid idea and Cassandra doesn’t like it? Ellana hasn’t much experience with gift giving, with her clan only ever exchanging gifts of items that were of use or hand made from materials found on their travels or traded for, and even then only for special occasions like name days or bonding ceremonies. When Cassandra doesn’t say anything after unwrapping the bundle, Ellana fears the worst.

“I found it when we were out in the Exalted Plains. I know the current horn you have is cracked and thought you could use a replacement, but if you don’t like it I can always -”

“It's  _ beautiful _ ” Cassandra says, interrupting Ellana’s nervous ramblings, holding the golden horn towards the firelight to better examine the intricate patterns moulded and engraved expertly into body of the item. “I feel like it's almost  _ too _ good to use. I - thank you Ellana.”  Cassandra says with a genuine smile. 

“Well if it doesn’t work taunting the bandits and demons we encounter, you can always just blind them with how shiny it is” Ellana says with a crooked grin “I’m glad you like it though. I will admit the first thing I thought of when I found it was giving it to you.”

The pair drift into another companionable silence, content to pass the time staring into the fire again as they both process the things they have spoken about and what it could potentially mean for their future. Ellana, having never courted anyone before, with both of the encounters she has had with women in the past being of a purely physical nature, is trying to figure out things that Cassandra might be interested in when she feels Cassandra trying to grab her attention by knocking her knee with her own.

“Hmm?” Ellana acknowledges, blinking owlishly as her thoughts come back to the present. 

“Would you mind if we -” Cassandra begins, looking like she’s not entirely sure of how to articulate what she’s trying to ask, which Ellana feels she shouldn’t find as endearing as she does, or at least should not vocalise as much to Cassandra, not yet anyway. “Oh come here” Cassandra finishes with a sigh, lifting her arm and gesturing for Ellana to shuffle closer to her so that she has no other option to lean against her. Sighing in contentment as she feels Cassandra wrap an arm around her, Ellana settles with her head resting on Cassandra’s shoulder and hums happily as she inhales the comforting smell (Sandalwood? Patchouli? Ellana can’t quite pinpoint the scent, so she's sure it's a mixture of the two) that is  _ Cassandra _ and feeling bold, swings her legs over Cassandra’s, and wriggles in closer until she has her face snuggled into the crook of Cassandra’s neck and her fist lightly grasping the fabric of her shirt where her hand falls at her waist. Trying - and failing to fight off the fatigue she has been feeling for most of the day, and not helped by the wine she’s consumed and the warm comfortable atmosphere of the room, Ellana closes her eyes and it doesn’t take long before she drifts off to the gentle thud of Cassandra’s heartbeat beneath her ear. 

  
  


Ellana wakes up disorientated the next morning. She’s definitely sure - and incredibly embarrassed - that she accidentally fell asleep on Cassandra last night, just as she’s sure that all of the events of the previous night actually happened and that she hasn’t dreamed them, but for the life of her she can’t remember making it to bed and in her half lucid state she  _ definitely _ can’t figure out why her normally cold bed is warmer than usual. As Ellana becomes more aware of her surroundings she can feel the tickle of soft, short hair beneath her chin and the warmth of another body tangled with hers and for a horrible moment she worries that something might have happened between the two of them the night before, until she realises she is still fully clothed and can only assume that Cassandra is also. Not entirely sure  _ why _ Cassandra is currently wrapped around her and sound asleep but not wanting to wake her to find out - because Maker knows Cassandra’s sleep habits are just as bad, if not  _ worse _ than her own - Ellana glances at the darkness outside the windows and tightens her embrace, quickly rejoining  Cassandra in her slumber.

The next time Ellana wakes she is aware of two things. The light she can feel brightening her rooms through her closed eyelids, and the sensation of fingers running through her hair. Stretching felinely before slowly opening her eyes to be greeted by Cassandra watching her, looking as relaxed as Ellana has ever seen her and with a look on her face that Ellana can’t quite figure out. 

“Hey.” Ellana greets Cassandra with a smile.

“Hey.” 

“I fell asleep. On you.” Ellana blushes, closing her eyes in embarrassment

“You did.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It's fine, I don’t mind. It was no trouble to carry you. You have a strong grip even in sleep though.” Cassandra says in a vauge explaination of how they both ended up in bed together.

“Well in that case I shall have to fall asleep on you more often if it means I get to wake up to your beautiful face first thing in the morning. Not exactly how I pictured our first morning together though.” Ellana says through a grin, bringing her hand to rest on the curve of Cassandra’s waist, brushing her thumb along the firm line of muscle she can feel beneath her fingertips.

“Oh?” Cassandra asks, clearly amused by Ellana’s words. 

“More skin. And  _ definitely _ more kissing.” Ellana says as she cocks one of her eyebrows suggestively, laughing softly. 

“Have you thought about it much then?”

“I am now.” Ellana says, feigning a look of exaggerated concentration, before stopping when she sees that  _ look _ on Cassandra’s face again, like Ellana is the most fascinating thing she has ever encountered and as such needs her full attention. It's not until Ellana sees Cassandra’s eyes flick to her lips and how wide her pupils are that she realises that this new expression she isn’t familiar with is  _ desire _ and she very much hopes to be on the receiving end of it for a very long time if she has any say in it. 

Already close, Cassandra has managed to find a way to shuffle even closer - their bodies flush together from the hip down - and brings her hand up to gently cup Ellana’s face, the fingers on her hand long enough to tickle a sensitive spot behind Ellana’s ear and her thumb gently stroking the swell of her cheek.

“Would it be alright if I kissed you right now?” Cassandra asks, her voice thick and slightly husky, which decimates Ellana’s already weakened grip on her self control.

“Please.” is all Ellana manages to say breathlessly, before Cassandra finally closes the distance between them, pressing her lips to hers tentatively at first, before gaining confidence when she realises that Ellana happy is to let her take complete control of the situation, letting her move at a pace that she is comfortable with. By the time they pull apart Cassandra has shifted so that most of her torso is laying over Ellana’s, supporting her weight on her forearms, conscious of just how small Ellana actually is, despite her larger than life persona.

“Hey.” Ellana says slightly dazed, and she is sure with a ridiculously goofy grin on her face.

“That was nice.” Cassandra breathes, smiling so widely the corners of her eyes crinkle.

“It was…. I think we may have to try it again though, see if we were doing it right” Ellana says suggestively causing Cassandra to laugh throatily, a sound that Ellana discovers has the effect of setting her alight with want, and has her swallowing the last of Cassandra’s laugher as she hungrily claims her lips again in a searing kiss, finally letting loose some of the pent up desire that she has been harbouring for Cassandra over the past months. The knowledge that Cassandra is a willing participant in their current activities is quite heady to Ellana, and she finds herself getting carried away in her ministrations despite her intentions of letting Cassandra - who, much more vocal than Ellana had ever imagined, is making  _ noises _ that make Ellana want to do nothing but spend the rest of the day figuring out all the ways she can draw them from her lips - set the pace of their physical intimacy. Giving Cassandra’s bottom lip one last playful nip and soothing it with her tongue, Ellana reluctantly pulls away, chuckling at Cassandra’s soft - unexpected- whine of protest as she settles back on the pillows beneath her, watching the emotions flicker across Cassandra’s face before she slowly opens her eyes looking thoroughly well kissed and momentarily dazed.   

“That was, ugh -” Cassandra, apparently at a loss for words buries her face in the crook of Ellana’s neck, causing her to burst into a fit of giggles at the normally formidable Seeker reduced to a speechless mess with little more than Ellana’s mouth.

“It’s not funny.” Comes Cassandra’s muffled protest from her neck, causing Ellana to laugh out loud until she feels Cassandra’s mouth find a particularly tender spot where the tendons of her neck meet the sweep of her shoulder and apply pressure for long enough that she’s definitely sure there will be a mark left behind.

“You didn’t!” Ellana protests, grasping her neck as Cassandra moves to be laying propped up on one elbow still facing her, with a satisfied look on her face -  _ happiness suits her Ellana decides  _ .

“I did” Cassandra states matter of factly, almost as if she’s challenging Ellana to retaliate.

“As much as I would like to spend the rest of the day having my way with you - and I really have wanted to do that for a while now, so it's going to take a while, I can assure you - I fully intend to take things slowly with you. I would hate for you to feel rushed into anything, so for once I’m going to take a step back and let you decide what you’re ready for and when. Also I’m pretty sure my breakfast will be here soon, and people are bound to have noticed that you aren’t in the training yards beating the dummies to splinters already” Ellana says kicking off the sheets to climb out of bed  and start her morning stretches.

As if summoned, the door to Ellana’s quarters downstairs opens, and Ellana panics momentarily not knowing how Cassandra feels about others seeing her in The Inquisitors bed, both of them looking thoroughly disheveled so early in the day, and feels relief sweep over her when Cassandra stays exactly where she is.

Making her way over to the Elven girl that has bought her morning meal to relieve her of the tray she is carrying, Ellana is surprised to find there is double the normal serving of food, and then thoroughly confused as to _why_ and then _who_ _knows_ Cassandra didn’t make it back to the bedroll in her loft the night before. 

“I suspect Leliana might have had a hand in this. She has been quite vocal in her…   _ opinions _ about my stubbornness when it comes to the two of us. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had one of her runners keeping an eye on me after your return” Cassandra says in explanation to the confusion evident on Ellana’s face, joining her at the table to break her fast in a comfortable silence, with a thoughtful look on her face.

“What?” Ellana asks. “That's your ‘thinking of a plan’ face and I’m not entirely sure why you have it, not this early in the day”

“How would you feel if I taught you some basic close quarters combat, with either knives or daggers? Your injuries out in the field made me realise that I won’t always be by your side, and you need to know how to defend yourself without your bow. I have a feeling that expeditions won’t be happening over the next three months unless absolutely necessary with Josephine wanting to prepare you for court, and I know you well enough to know how well you like being cooped up without much to do with the knowledge of how much is to be done outside the walls of Skyhold, so we will have plenty of time for you to at least master the basics” Cassandra asks earnestly.

“I think I would enjoy that” 

The pair finish off their meal of dried fruits and fresh baked bread quickly and Ellana takes a moment to freshen up and change clothes - purposefully picking one of her casual outfits accessorised with a scarf which earns her a smirk from Cassandra - before the pair make their way to the main hall, Ellana leading the way down the stairs with Cassandra’s hand held firmly in her own. With the exit in sight, Ellana feels a gentle tug on her hand, pulling her to a stop and turns around to face Cassandra to ask whats wrong when her hand comes up to cup her face before she leans down to press a soft kiss to her mouth, taking Ellana completely by surprise with her forwardness.

“I like that I can kiss you almost whenever I want now” Cassandra says after she pulls away, resting her forehead on Ellana’s. 

“I like that you do” Ellana says with a sigh. “See you tonight?”

“Definitely. Here?” Cassandra enquiries,  to which Ellana hums in agreement, savouring their closeness in the moment,  settling her hands on Cassandra's hips gripping them softly. 

“One more for luck?” Ellana asks innocently,  jutting her bottom lip out slightly for added effect which works,  because Cassandra is kissing her again,  so gently that Ellana feels like she could melt.  Sighing when Cassandra steps back out of her reach, with a small smile on her lips before Ellana sees the “Seeker” persona fall back over her features, though there is still a fondness in her gaze that Ellana knows she will only ever see (not counting those that know Cassandra well enough to know her tells as well).  Ellana feels herself become the Inquisitor again and after one last squeeze of hands,  the pair separate,  and exit to go about their day. 

 

* * *

 

Despite the forwardness the night of their first ‘date’ Cassandra and Ellana’s courtship is quite tame, with the pair finding secluded areas to sneak kisses during their days when Ellana isn’t stuck in the war room or under Josephine and Leliana’s tutelage, and their evenings either in Cassandra’s or Ellana’s quarters, sharing their evening meal talking or reading, or on the nights when neither are in the mood for words or silence, wrapped up in each others embrace, always stopping before they can take things further than both are really ready for.

True to her earlier promise to herself, Ellana usually has a small bundle of flowers for Cassandra most days - and even for her own amusement one day makes a flower crown for Cassandra to wear not thinking she actually will, but is surprised when she willingly wears it, the white of the blossoms standing out against the darkness of her hair and features (Ellana is even more surprised when she discovers that Cassandra went to the effort of drying the flowers to preserve and keep), and the blush that takes over Cassandra’s complexion when Ellana jokingly declares her the “Princess of her heart”.

On the days that Ellana doesn’t have flowers, she always finds something else to give, be it trinkets or food, or books of poetry or fiction she thinks might be of interest to her. Ellana has a hobby of collecting small carved figurines that she seems to find a lot of scattered amongst loot they find on expeditions or for sale in merchant stalls, and gives Cassandra an intricately carved crystal bear figurine, because it ‘reminded me of you’ and she wanted Cassandra to have it. Later Cassandra gives her a delicately carved ivory Halla for the exact same reason, and it takes pride of place on the work desk in Ellana’s quarters.

Early into Cassandra’s training to teach her the basics of hand to hand combat, she surprises Ellana with with blades for the tips of her bow, which whilst adding to the length, do nothing to hinder the balance or accuracy of her bow - which Cassandra had somehow managed to get to Dagna to make the modifications  to without Ellana even noticing - and is the first thing she tests when Cassandra presents her with the newly modified bow. Ellana will never admit that Cassandra’s reactions to her trick shots and accuracy fill her with pride, especially her leaping shots, which Cassandra spent an entire afternoon watching her practice to get accustomed to the new length of the bow, and learning to avoid the edges of the blade in mid air a few days after gifting them to her. Their progress is slow, but Cassandra, despite her temper with others is a patient teacher, letting Ellana practice complex moves multiple times at a slow pace to memorise the technique before the pair spar in earnest, learning first with a bow bow and then moving onto bluntened daggers,  so Ellana knows how to handle the dragonbone dagger that Cassandra has also gifted her in combat if she ever needs to. 

After one such afternoon of gruelling practice, Ellana calls for a bath in her quarters, to help soak her aching muscles and wash the grime from her body. Halfway through sluicing the suds from her hair as she washes the long silver tresses, Ellana has an idea that she can’t wait to implement. The next morning she makes the necessary arrangements with the staff that delivers her morning meal, and with the unknowing help of Sera manages to collect the items she needs to complete her plans from Cassandra’s quarters after informing her that she has something she wishes to speak with her about later that afternoon in Ellana’s rooms.

Ellana is left alone in her quarters with the steam from a hot bath infused with various herbs and scented oils permeating the air, with a fresh change of clothes and various soaps and washcloths placed in easy reach of the bath when she hears the door to her quarters open and recognises the familiar footfalls of Cassandra approaching.

“I have a surprise for you” Ellana calls out, before Cassandra makes her way to the top of the stairs, which draws a noise of inquiry from her as she finally makes her way to the top, stopping at the small landing 

“I thought you might appreciate a hot  _ private _ bath to relax in” Ellana says as she greets Cassandra with a kiss, her hands settling on her hips and giving them an affectionate squeeze. “I have some things I need to do, so take as long as you need alright?” Ellana says in a tone that leaves no room for argument, and after another lingering kiss makes her way out of her quarters to leave Cassandra to relax (she hopes) in peace. 

When she returns later after discussing Venatori agents with Dorian he thinks are worth the Inquisitions time in tracking down and eliminating and with a basket of food to share, she finds the bath - now cold but still fragrant - empty, but can see no sign of Cassandra anywhere in the room beyond her neatly folded dirty clothes in a pile next to her boots beside the copper bath. It takes her a moment to notice the prone form of Cassandra on the lounge, curled around one of the cushions and sound asleep. Not having the heart to disturb her, Ellana covers her with the decorative blanket from the foot of her bed and throws more wood on the fire to keep the room warm as the dusk falls outside, and settles herself at her desk to sort through her paperwork in concentrated silence, eating some of the food she bought with her saving half of it for Cassandra to have when she eventually wakes. But Cassandra was apparently a lot more tired than she appeared to be when Ellana last saw her, because by the time darkness has fallen in earnest outside, and Ellana is three quarters of the way through the papers on her desk, the words starting to become hard to focus on and bleeding together everytime she tries to concentrate on them in the guttering light of the dying candle on her desk, Cassandra still hasn’t stirred. Making a decision, knowing from experience the lounge is not a comfortable place to sleep, or capable of accommodating two people doing anything other than sitting, Ellana makes her way over to Cassandra, shaking her gently telling her to move to the bed, which half lucid, Cassandra manages to do shuffling tiredly over to the bed and burying herself under the covers. Throwing more wood on the fire to get them through the night before climbing in next to Cassandra, mostly settled into a comfortable position when she feels her shuffle over, throwing an arm over her torso and snuggling her head into the space at the crook of Ellana’s neck with a mumbled ‘g’night’ and a open mouthed kiss to her collarbone before settling completely, Ellana following her into slumber not soon after.

 

* * *

 

One afternoon Ellana finds herself upstairs in Cassandra’s personal quarters, if you can call the top floor of the Smithy that Cassandra has claimed as her own as personal quarters, leaning against the wall catching her breath after sharing heated kisses in their first alone time in few days. In her daze Ellana takes in the sparseness of Cassandra’s living space, with little more than a bed roll, stool and sword and armour rack taking up space in the room.

“Please don’t tell me you sleep on the floor?” Ellana asks with a concerned face.

“It's fine. During my Seeker training I learned that I require little more than the clothes on my back and the sword on my hip to survive. Anything else is unnecessary” Cassandra states matter of factly.

“But you don’t even have anywhere comfortable to sit? Surely Josephine assigned you better quarters than this Cassandra?” Ellana asks incredulously.

“She did. But I did not want them. Despite the noise I have come to like it here. There is always the table downstairs if I need a space to work anyway.” Cassandra states matter of factly, as if the logic is as plainly obvious.

They part ways not long after, sharing a few more heated kisses whilst Ellana has the beginnings of an idea formulating in her head.

It takes the combined efforts of Josephine, Cullen and Bull and his Chargers for her plan to come together. Josephine to locate a suitable chair from somewhere within the keep, Cullen to keep Cassandra distracted long enough to not suspect anything going on, which is easily accomplished by him asking for her assistance evaluating the progress  of the training of the troops she helped implement regimens for, Cullen taking her with him down to camps where the main forces down on the valley floor are located, and lastly the manpower of Bull to get the chair and ottoman in question up two flights of narrow stairs to put in Cassandra’s quarters. Ellana never says anything about the sudden appearance of the chair, and Cassandra never asks about it but they both know that Cassandra knows it's her doing, just as Ellana knows that Cassandra appreciates the thought behind the gesture, even if she thinks that such comforts are not necessary.  

 

* * *

 

Hearing Cassandra talking about the blueberry pastries she used to share with her brother gives Ellana an idea. Firstly after some bribery to the quartermaster, she finds a way to get ahold of the berries in Skyhold, and after parting with a few bottles of quality Antivan Brandy, convinces the cook to make a batch of said pastries as a surprise for Cassandra. After acquiring a basket of the pastries Ellana takes them to her quarters where they’re out of the grasp of some of the Inquisitions fellow sweet tooths and sets them aside, ready to give to Cassandra that evening.

When Cassandra arrives later in the day looking worse for wear after spending the day helping Cullen train new recruits, Ellana greets her with a beaming smile and a mug of her favourite tea. The easy pattern of their evenings spent together feeling more comfortable and domestic as the weeks have progressed, and where they used to try to spend equal amounts of time in each others living spaces or neutral areas, by unspoken agreement the pair have spent most nights in Ellana’s quarters, as they both appreciate the peace and privacy being in one of the most heavily guarded parts of the keep allows. 

The pair eat their evening meal in silence, the exhaustion plainly writ over Cassandra’s features hard to miss, and leaving her unwilling to share actual conversation. Almost rethinking her plan, Ellana resolves to go ahead with it figuring that Cassandra definitely looks like she could use a pick me up, and after finishing her meal stands to retrieve the basket, placing it in front of Cassandra as she retakes her seat from across the table from her.

“Oh? Whats this?” Cassandra asks curiously.

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to open it to find out” Ellana replies, hoping none of the nervousness she is currently feeling is audible in her voice.

The look of surprise on Cassandra’s face when she removes the cloth covering the pastries is a promising start. 

“I - heard you speaking about these with Cole, and wanted to do something nice. I know it's not the same as having them with your brother, but I hope they’re good.” Ellana rambles nervously.

“I haven’t had these since I was a child,” Cassandra starts, picking out one of the delicately flaky pastries from the basket, holding it carefully as if it's liable to break just at her touch. “Blueberries are hard to find outside of Orlais… how much effort did you go to for this?”

“Enough.” Ellana says grinning sheepishly. “You’re worth it though.”

The look of delighted satisfaction as Cassandra takes her first bite of the pastry is the only validation Ellana needs that the excess of her actions were worth it.

 

* * *

 

After finally escaping Leliana and Josephine spending the majority of her day teaching her the finer points of Orlesian dining etiquette ( _ why are there so many different kinds of forks? _ ), Ellana spends twenty minutes trying to locate Cassandra wherever she has hidden herself in the keep. Despite her disinterest in politics, her status as a Nevarran Princess still has Josephine hounding her for both advice, and to join Ellana in her training because you can ‘never be too prepared’. Frustrated, Ellana makes her way into the forge and up the stairs to the area that Cassandra has claimed as her own, with the thought of even if she can’t  _ find  _ Cassandra right now she can still leave her a note telling her to come find her at least. Upon reaching the third floor Ellana finds that this isn’t necessary. Because, there, seated in the overstuffed chair that mysteriously made its way into Cassandra’s quarters several weeks ago, is Cassandra, relaxed with book in hand and clad in only her leather pants and a loose linen shirt.

“You look like you’re enjoying yourself” Ellana says as she silently makes her way towards Cassandra, admiring the sight before her, and locking it away to remember later, because it's not often she gets to see Cassandra so relaxed, given the things they deal with on a daily basis, the sight of it doing wonders to dissipate her bad mood.

“Ellana!” Cassandra greets her happily, closing her book and placing it on the small stool beside the chair with her other books that haven’t yet found a home in Ellana’s quarters (How she finds the time to read any of them, Ellana will never know) “I did not realise how much time had passed. Is there something you needed?” Cassandra asks casually as she stretches in the chair, causing something in Ellana to stir because she quickly closes the distance between them to awkwardly straddle Cassandra in the chair, resting her forehead against hers and sighing in contentment at the closeness between them as she feels Cassandra’s hands come to rest lightly on her hips and give a slight squeeze.

“Yes. No. Right now all I need is this. You.” Ellana murmurs softly, not wanting to break the moment between them. “Although there is one thing” Ellana ponders, as she lightly cups Cassandra’s face between her two palms, hesitating slightly giving Cassandra the option to pull back if she wants to, before capturing her lips in a soft series of caresses that has all memory of the past day floating from her mind. Feeling Cassandra’s hands tighten on her hips and pull their bodies closer together, Ellana sucks Cassandra’s full lower lip into her mouth and is met with a groan of delight that breaks all of her further intentions of taking things slowly in hopes of hearing that noise again - knowing that she’s the cause of the normally straight faced Seeker losing the tight grip on her control. Fisting her fingers in Cassandra’s hair with a throaty chuckle of agreement Ellana kisses her hungrily and the two settle into a fight for dominance that neither really cares to win. Realising how far this has the potential to go after becoming aware of the hand that has made its way under her tunic and the one that is tangled in the braid at the nape of her neck, Ellana pulls back reluctantly - which is not made easy by Cassandra - who eventually lets go but not after following Ellana’s retreat with her lip pulled between her teeth.

“As much as I’d like to continue this I’d rather do so where there isn’t the potential for interruption, or overhearing” Ellana says, still rather breathless. “What were you even reading? Not one of Varric’s books again?” The blush on Cassandra’s face is the only answer she needs.

“Yes - but it is  _ your _ fault. Lately I have been having these…feelings - frustrations, ugh I don’t know how to explain it but I know that  _ you _ are the cause of it” Cassandra vents with a frustrated huff and a scowl Ellana knows is more for show than actual displeasure.

“Well I’m not going to deny I’m pleased that I’m having as much of an effect on you as you are on me.” Ellana says as she twists in the chair to be seated across Cassandra’s lap with her legs dangling over the armrest and her head resting in the crook of her neck. “And in any other situation I’d be happy to take advantage of your  _ frustrations _ , but I promised you candles and romance, and that is exactly what I intend to give you” Ellana sighs, wondering if it's time to tell Cassandra something that she’s been feeling even since before they started courting but Cassandra, too perceptive for her own good, notices the pensive look that crosses her face and asks;

“You look troubled, what is it?”

“I - I don’t know how to say this because I don’t quite know how to explain what I’m thinking properly around you sometimes, but… This thing. Between us, between you and me, I want to get it right. There’s something about you that makes me feel like there's no one else for me out there, that makes me want to make sure everything is right -  _ perfect _ \-  because I don’t plan on having to do it with anyone else ever again… Don’t get me wrong I’ve seen my fair share of beautiful women and been propositioned by them several times since Haven - even more so since becoming Inquisitor, but I find all of those other women completely lacking when even  _ thinking  _ of them compared to you -  I - it sounds stupid now that I say it out loud” Ellana finishes, covering her face, partly out of embarrassment, and out of not wanting to see Cassandra’s face in the silence that is gnawing through Ellana’s nerves at not knowing what Cassandra is thinking, and worrying that she has come across too strongly with her feelings. 

“Ell,” Cassandra says warmly,  surprising Ellana with the thickness of emotion lacing her accented voice  \- and also by the use of the nickname no one other than her Mother has ever called her by and she has never told anyone about.

“Look at me - ”

“How did you -”

The pair start speaking at the same time, Ellana uncovering her face to look at Cassandra with unguarded curiosity. 

“No one has called me that since my mother died. How - how did you know?” Ellana asks.

“I didn’t. It just - slipped out I guess. I can refrain if that is what you would wish?” Cassandra inquires with eyebrows raised.

“Please don’t,” Ellana sighs “although, I kind of like the sound of ‘Cass’ if we’re going to give each other nicknames.”

“You know, I’ve never really had a nickname before.” 

“Well that settles it then,  _ Cass, _ ” Ellana states with finality, as she takes in the contentment so openly visible on Cassandra’s face and smiles, before returning her head to her shoulder, enjoying the patterned ‘tink’ of the smith's hammers as they beat and mould the metal in the forges down below and the steady beat of Cassandra’s pulse beneath her ear as she closes her eyes, content to sit in companionable silence for the time being.

“I don’t think it's stupid - what you said earlier - lately the more that I think about it, the more I realise I am fairly certain that I - feel the same way. I am too practical to want to have short term affairs, and I value myself enough to never settle for something I do not think will better or fulfill me, but at the thought of spending my future with you I do not find myself worrying about either of those things” Cassandra says quietly, and Ellana can feel the rumble of her voice beneath her ear from where it's resting on her chest.

“Cassandra… Ma vhenan, ar lath ma.” Ellana murmurs softly, knowing that Cassandra won’t understand, but still feeling the need to say the words to her despite not being entirely sure that Cassandra is even  _ ready  _ to hear it yet, let alone return the sentiment. Changing the subject quickly before Cassandra can ask her the meaning of her words  “You know, I originally came up here to invite you to dinner again, if you weren’t already sick of my company these past few weeks. That and to complain about the ridiculous amount of cutlery I’m meant to know how to use to fit in amongst Orlesian noble morons”

“Work your way in from the outside” 

“What?”

“Start from the outside and work your way in as you progress with the courses. Between my childhood and attending functions with the Divine I think I have encountered every possible combination of table arrangements”

“That’s…  Why didn’t Leliana just  _ explain _ it to me like that,  it would have made everything so much simpler today” Ellana complains, thinking of how unhelpful Leliana and Josephine had been that day. Why was there a need for so many different objects that all did the same thing? Human customs were honestly so baffling to her sometimes, and this was no exception. 

“Because knowing Leliana she is probably testing you.” Cassandra says in a tone that Ellana can  _ hear _ her eye roll in. 

“Tomorrow I’m supposed to start dancing lessons. And Josie said something about our uniforms almost being ready which I’m guessing means another fitting,” Ellana says with a grimace, recalling the amount of pin pricks and measuring she endured when they were still in the planning stages. “Maker preserve me I want no part in this I just want to stay right here for as long as possible” Ellana finishes as she rubs her eyes in frustration, and her stomach audibly grumbles in hunger.

“I don’t know about you, but I think food should be our first priority”

“So wise. This is why I keep you around”

“I will admit sometimes I wonder what you would do if I didn’t remind you to eat properly. It’s still early enough to grab something from the evening meal, unless you would prefer the tavern?”

“Hall, I have some things I need to look over this evening and I know if we go to the tavern Bull will probably rope me into drinking more of his Qunari spirits and leave me feeling the effects days later still” Ellana says with a shudder, remembering the incident after they slayed their first dragon and being incapacitated for almost 3 days afterwards.

  
  
  


“When you spoke to me in Elvhen earlier, what exactly did you say?” Cassandra asks later in the evening from where she is reading in front of the fireplace, propped up on pillows laying on the floor, whilst Ellana has taken over the whole lounge going over reports Cullen and Leliana had given her earlier.

Ellana freezes, and hopes that Cassandra just thinks of it as her being focussed on the work in front of her and  _ not _ because she is currently panicking internally.

“It's - It's an - it was an endearment. Well, part of it was at least.  _ Ma Vhenan _ \- it means ‘my heart’.” Ellana says, tripping over her words as she looks at Cassandra to gauge her reaction to her explanation.

“Ma vhenan”? Cassandra asks, the word sounding clumsy coming out of her mouth, with her accent better suited to rolling ‘r’s  than hard ‘h’ sounds, but sounding no less wonderful to Ellana’s ears, that she would even attempt to learn the correct pronunciation. 

“Close. We’ll work on it” Ellana says smiling.

“And the rest of what you said? Arlathma?”

“Ar lath ma” Ellana corrects automatically, slightly amused at what Cassandra has said without realising the gravity of the words. “I don’t know…” Ellana trails off teasingly, putting down the papers she was reading before getting up to join Cassandra in her nest on the floor, commandeering some of the pillows for herself.

“It can’t be  _ that _ bad” Cassandra prods, shifting to face Ellana on the floor.

Ellana bites her lip in thought.  _ It's Cassandra. _ Whats the worst that can happen that hasn’t already? More importantly, what if Ellana’s fear is for nothing and Cassandra actually feels the same? That thought  _ alone _ is enough to outweigh her trepidation on the matter, so with a mischievous smirk Ellana leans forward to kiss Cassandra quickly, looking her directly in the eye as she says the most important words she’s ever likely to say for the first time;

“Ar lath ma… I love you, Cassandra Pentaghast” 

The play of emotions on Cassandra’s face in such a small space of time is fascinating to watch. With it going from confusion, to shock and then finally lighting up and breaking into the biggest smile that Ellana has ever seen. Cassandra chuckles throatily, before leaning forward to capture her lips in a lingering kiss, almost purring when she whispers in her ear;

“I love  _ you _ , Ellana Lavellan” sending shivers down her spine as the warmth of Cassandra's breath and her words wash over her. 

“You really said that” Ellana says,  slightly giddy.

“I did. So did you,” Cassandra husks, her eyes heavily lidded and dark with desire as she leans over to kiss Ellana with an intensity that leaves her thoughtless. 

“Cassandra are you sure about this? We can stop if you want.” Ellana asks breathlessly, breaking away from their increasingly heated kisses to make certain Cassandra is sure about how far they’re about to go, not knowing if she’ll be able to stop once she fully submits to the passion that she has suppressed for so long,  that is currently coursing its way through her veins, clouding her judgement as her senses are flooded with nothing but a single minded  _ want _ for the woman currently pliant and willing beneath her.

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life” Cassandra murmurs, tugging on Ellana’s clothes, apparently just as desperate for skin on skin contact as she is. The pair make quick work of each others clothes, disrupted by kisses and laughter at the tangle of limbs and half stripped cloth, until all conversation stops as they get lost in each other in front of the fire.

  
  


Later, when Ellana looks at Cassandra from her place between her thighs, her cries of release still ringing in her ears and a light sheen of sweat coating the muscled plains of her torso - the light of the fire behind her making her tan skin glow like polished brass - chest rising and falling as she comes down from her high from moments before, she doesn’t think she has ever seen anything more beautiful, or will ever be capable of loving anyone more than she does Cassandra right at this moment. Ellana crawls back up Cassandra’s body leaving a trail of kisses in her wake until she is once again level with her face, Ellana grins at the bliss she can see relaxing her features, giving her a youthful appearance.

“You alright?” Ellana enquires after kissing Cassandra softly on the lips. 

“Just… give me a minute” Cassandra murmurs, her eyes still closed as she slowly comes back to her senses. Ellana watches her with heavy lidded eyes, tracing invisible patterns on the hard planes of Cassandra’s abdominals, observing them flinch and ripple as her fingers flit over particularly ticklish spots near ribs or the overly sensitive band below her navel just above where the hair at the apex of her thighs begins, giving Cassandra something to focus on as she comes back down from her emotional and physical high.

“That was…  _ wonderful _ . I don’t think - Regalyan, the only other man - person I have been intimate with - was not unskilled, but I have never felt anything so  _ consuming _ in my life” Cassandra says quietly after a few minutes of silence, with their breathing and the cracking of the fireplace behind their heads the only sounds in the room.

“I’m not done with you yet, Ma Vhenan” Ellana says huskily, as she rolls to her feet, extending a hand for Cassandra to help herself up with, using more force than necessary to pull her up causing Cassandra to stumble into her, the skin on skin contact causing a renewed surge of desire to course through her. Knowing the layout of of her rooms by heart, peppering kisses on all the parts of Cassandra within easy reach of her mouth, Ellana walks backwards until she feels the backs of her legs hit the softness that is the mattress of her four posted monstrosity of a bed - which until an hour ago felt pointlessly large for just one person - and with a quick move that is reminiscent of a technique that Cassandra has taught her in her hand to combat training, flips their positions using her momentum to push Cassandra - who is momentarily stunned at her actions - onto the bed behind her with enough force to bounce comically, before Ellana is straddling her again, and the pair spend the rest of the night learning each other's bodies and the places that cause sighs and hitches in breath, finally succumbing to sleep in each other's arms after Ellana looses the curtains surrounding her canopied bed to shelter them from interruptions and the light of day sometime before dawn begins to paint the outside world with is rays.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Cass, can I ask you something?” Ellana asks from her spot with Cassandra’s head resting in her lap one evening as the pair are sharing the lounge in her quarters in a comfortable silence. In the weeks that have passed since the pair started their courtship, spending the evenings they were home in Skyhold in front of the fireplace in Ellana’s quarters reading or tangled together talking about everything and anything is not uncommon.

“You know you don’t have to ask,” Cassandra replies, looking up from her book to meet Ellana’s gaze, frowning at the contemplative look on her face and props herself up on her elbows abandoning her reading for the time being. “What is it?”

“Your letter…. I’ve been wondering about this for a while now, but - when you said - Cassandra do you honestly think you’re undesirable?”

“I am brash and opinionated and too often act without thinking fully of the consequences of my actions. I have the hardened body of a warrior, along with the scars, and none of the soft curves of women that men usually find so attractive.  Not to mention my lack of skill with words is usually compensated for with my sword.  I am not fool enough to not know that my personality does little to endear me towards others, be it friend or potential lover.  Though to be honest - until you came along I cannot say I had much desire to find someone to settle down with at all,  and had resigned myself to a warriors death on the battlefield. I am sure my reputation as ‘The Dragon Slaying Hero of Orlais’, Seeker and Right Hand of the Divine does little to help my desirability either”

“You’re wrong you know,” - Ellana starts but is interrupted by a disbelieving snort from Cassandra -  “No hear me out please -  humour me. I cannot say that I have known many humans,  let alone human women,  with my clan always tending to limit contact with humans -  in the past we had been attacked too many times, lost too many people so it was just safer to steer clear of them,  and may have been part of the reason I was so hostile when we first met, sorry” Ellana grins sheepishly 

“You have no need to apologise for your behaviour.  I’ve told you I’m embarrassed to remember how badly I treated you on our first meeting” 

“Stop trying to change the subject by side tracking me, ” Ellana admonishes light-heartedly. “I do not know many human women outside of the Inquisition - or even many women in general - but I feel like you are quite possibly one of the most notable I have ever met. Your determination and strength of character are both things that I at first admired about you,  but now the more that I get to know you I find they are things that make me aspire to be a better person. Yes,  you can be brash at times,  but if you weren't you wouldn't be the same Cassandra that I know and admire,  and I feel that it comes from the passion with which you approach everything you do in life -  I'm fairly certain that you're one of the most passionate people I have ever met -  and not just because of your appetite for terrible romance novels. Sometimes the way that you focus on the things you care about is almost terrifying in it's single minded efficiency” Ellana pauses in her explanation, her blunt fingernails scraping lightly across Cassandra’s scalp where she runs them through her hair absent mindedly trying to figure out how to properly articulate what she wants to say next. “I cannot help you with your skill with words for I fear my own is just as bad, but I could happily spend the rest of the evening telling you all the things I find desirable about you.”

Cassandra snorts in response “I’m almost inclined to let try you even though I know you’ll barely make it past 5 minutes”

“Who said anything about letting me? You know I usually prefer to just do things regardless, especially when it comes to you” Ellana says as she leans down to press a soft kiss at the corner of Cassandra’s mouth. “Hmm now where do I start with you though? We’ve already covered your passion. Have I ever told you about how one of the things I first found attractive about you was your voice?”

“My voice?” Cassandra asks with an arched eyebrow in disbelief.

“Yes. Do all Nevarran’s have the same accent? Doesn’t matter. Yes, there was something about it when I first heard it I just  _ liked _ you know? I think it's because of the way it rolls off the tongue. There's something about it that is both soothing and reassuring. And don’t get me started on the effect it has on me when you - wait, I’m not telling you that you’ll laugh, and more than likely use it against me, because I know I would if I were you. It's not like it's hard to guess anyway”

“What else is there?” Cassandra asks curiously

“I do not find your scars as bad as I think you think others do. They tell me that you have fought and have survived because you were strong, and that is all that matters. One day if you’ll let me I’ll learn all of the places they are and the stories behind them. Though I’m curious, the one on your cheek is still quite recent, how did you get it?” Ellana asks as she tenderly ghosts the tips of her fingers over the scar in question, smirking when she sees Cassandra close her eyes momentarily, her nostrils flaring at the sensation.

“Sometime after the explosion at the conclave. I was knocked out in one of the blasts and I do not remember much around that time. The healers cleaned the wound, but there were others in far worse shape that required more attention than I.”

“Selfless as ever I see.” Ellana grins fondly. “Now where did I get to… ah yes. I can’t really say that I really understand human customs and titles mean little to me, as until recently most of the goings on in the human world - beyond the Templar Mage conflicts - were of little concern to me or my people, so I have trouble reconciling the woman from the titles, with  _ you _ in all your stubborn, passionate beauty being the woman I fell in love with before I got to know you any better."

“You were in love with me  _ before _ you even got to know me?” Cassandra asks, a frown of confusion marring her angular features as she looks up from where her head is resting in Ellana’s lap to meet her eye.

“Yes…” Ellana pauses. “I think a small part of me in a way always has been. Call it  _ love at first sight _ if you want, but even that day with me shackled in the dungeons of Haven not knowing anything about what was happening, and you as angry as you were the first time we spoke, there was something about you that I just felt  _ drawn _ to. I wasn’t swept of my feet like heroines in your novels, but something I can’t really explain made me feel like I needed to have you in my life in whatever way I possibly could.”

“That is interesting. After I released you to take you to The Breach, I will admit, watching your skill with a bow and just  _ you _ in general, there was something about you that I was inexplicably drawn to.” Cassandra says, her eyes squinted in concentration as she recalls the events from those first chaos filled days of their meeting.

“It always humbles me to know you find me skilled in combat you know, when you yourself are truly beautiful to watch on the battlefield. Sometimes I feel bad for those we encounter because between you and Bull none of them really stand a chance most of the time.”

“It is true though,” Cassandra says candidly. “Until you Leliana was the most skilled I had ever seen with a bow. The first time I saw you do a leaping shot and still hit your mark with perfect accuracy? I felt a rush and it wasn’t even  _ my _ accomplishment”

“So  _ that's _ why you always just happen to be around when I practice, even when I’m with Sera?” Ellana asks grinning, and chuckles softly when she sees the blush spread across Cassandra’s face and neck.

“Was there anything more to your list or are you going to continue teasing me” Cassandra asks with an exasperated pout.

“I think it might be better if I show and explain at the same time” Ellana says, gesturing for Cassandra to rise from her current prone position, and leads her over to the bed, pushing her to sit in the middle of it so that her feet are still at the edge within easy reach. Grabbing one of Cassandra’s bare feet Ellana starts to massage the neglected appendage, which despite spending most of their time in armoured boots are somehow dainty, and smaller than she imagined they would be.

“I may not know many women, but I have encountered enough men of various races to know that most of them are complete fools” Ellana starts, interrupted by Cassandra snorting in agreement. “Yes, you have the body of a warrior, but to say that it is inferior,  _ less attractive  _ compared to the soft, supple bodies of traditionally attractive women is a complete disservice to yourself and I won’t hear it” Ellana says looking Cassandra in the eye, daring her to argue, her hands sliding up her calves. “Yes, your legs are strong and well muscled, but I do not see them as making you masculine, I see them as a source of strength, capable of support and withstanding onslaught, as well as inflicting it.”  Ellana punctuates her point by giving Cassandra’s thighs a firm squeeze, feeling the density of the muscle beneath her fingers, as she supports herself to join her on the bed, straddling Cassandra's lap in the process.

“Your hips and backside are full and round yes but honestly, when I watch your hips sway when you look at me with that hungry look in your eye,  it's currently my favourite thing and I’m honestly quite sure you know what effect it has on me” Ellana says with a murmur, emphasizing her words by taking a firm grip of what she can reach of Cassandra’s rear giving it a rough squeeze, feeling her body start to heat up at the memory. Cassandra’s new found confidence in both herself and taking the lead in their sexual encounters since their first time together over a month ago has been nothing short of  _ wonderful _ to not just behold but be on the receiving end of, and often leaves the pair marked and exhausted, much to the amusement of some of their closest friends.

“But honestly your backside is the only reason I ever enjoy watching you leave” Ellana says with a laugh, as Cassandra rolls her eyes, making a half hearted noise of disgust at her antics. 

“Your  shoulders and back are strong and broad, but they’re balanced out by your hips perfectly.” Ellana says as she grips the hem of the shirt tucked into the waist of Cassandra’s soft leather breeches, quickly removing it, leaving Cassandra with just her breast band on above the waist. “Have you ever noticed how I seem to only really equip you with variations of Defender Mail?” Ellana asks, not really waiting for an answer before continuing. “It's because I love how  _ good _ you look in it, with the cut accentuating most of your best features.

Ellana’s hands have made their way up to Cassandra’s breast band - her fingers tickling the tender spots she knows lie along the way - deft fingers making quick work of the fastenings before discarding the garment somewhere on the floor behind her, and hands coming up to gently cup the weight of them, departing with a teasing flick to one of her nipples as they make their way over to Cassandra’s biceps, squeezing gently at their firmness. “Your arms are strong enough to weird a shield and sword ferociously on the battlefield, to protect, and to take lives but are also capable of holding me so gently in the middle of the night… I like them. A lot” Ellana reaches down and grabs both of Cassandra’s hands delicately by the wrist, kissing both palms before guiding them to rest on her hips. “As far as I’m concerned your hands are magic and high up there on the list of of my favourite parts of your anatomy” Ellana says with a crooked grin, knowing the effect it has on Cassandra.

Ellana ghosts her fingers over Cassandra’s collarbone next, fingers lingering on some of the bites that she has given her that have yet to fade completely, softly kissing one at the base of her throat that is still quite vivid. “Your neck is delicate and strong, and one of my favourite places to rest my head.” Ellana’s hands have now come to rest, cradling Cassandra’s between them. The rest of Ellana’s words a little more than a whisper, as if saying them any louder would destroy them, or lessen their meaning. “Your lips, are so full and perfectly kissable. Your cheekbones, I have never seen any so striking and well defined, and sometimes I fear I might cut myself on them, as stupid as it sounds” Ellana says, kissing both of them softly. “Your eyes. They’re beautiful. Both in colour and how they reflect the light in such fascinating ways.The expression you can convey with them with just a look takes my breath away sometimes. Even more so when they’re focussed on me”

By the time Ellana is finished speaking, there are tears welling in Cassandra’s eyes and a wondrous, almost disbelieving look colouring her features.

“Hey, no crying now you hear me? I’m no good with tears” Ellana says as uses her thumbs to wipe the tears from Cassandra’s eyes.

“It’s - no one has ever said such things about me, not in nearly four decades of life. It's a tad overwhelming to hear you say the things about me that you do when no one has ever told you them before… I love you” Cassandra sniffles, rubbing her eyes.

 

“Cassandra, ma vhenan, you are so beautiful.  _ I love you _ , and if I have to spend everyday of the rest of my life telling you all the ways you’re beautiful until you start to believe it, I will” Ellana closes the distance between them and tenderly kisses her in earnest, and with emotions running high, that night they both fully understand what it actually means to make love.

 

* * *

 

“You know, I used to think that I’d rather have you nowhere else but at my side. I think I’m beginning to re-evaluate that opinion” Ellana murmurs breathlessly the evening before they’re due to leave for the winter palace, as Cassandra kisses her way up the column of her neck, stopping to pay close attention to a cluster of freckles behind her earlobe.

“Oh?” Cassandra exhales in question, her warm breath mingling with the dampness of her kisses causing Ellana to shudder and grind her hips against Cassandra’s, where they’re nestled snuggly between the apex of Ellana’s thighs. 

“Mmhmm” is all Ellana can manage as she bites her lip, trying to keep her train of thought at the onslaught of sensation that is  _ Cassandra _ as focused on her as she normally is when attacking on the battlefield. “I mean yes you work very well there but recent events have me open to exploring alternative  _ positions. _ ” Ellena finishes with a yelp as Cassandra nips her jaw harshly with a growl, soothing it with her tongue. Despite her outward protest, Ellana can feel the smile on the lips that are lazily making their way to the place where she really wants them, and the contraction of her abdominals under her fingers as suppresses her laughter.

“I think you think too much” Cassandra husks, as she finally captures Ellana’s lips, driving all thought from both of their minds for the immediate future.

 

 

“How did you know?” Cassandra asks quietly later, her head resting on Ellana’s chest as she lightly traces invisible patterns with her fingertips on her stomach.

“Hmm? Know what?” Ellana asks, pausing in running her fingers through Cassandra’s hair teasing the short strands to stand on their own. 

“How did you know that you were in love with me and that it wasn’t a meaningless infatuation like I initially thought your interest was?” Cassandra asks, sounding slightly nervous.

Ellana sighs, hesitating as she wonders how much of the truth she wants to tell Cassandra and settles on all of it. 

“I’m sorry I don’t mean to pry if you don’t want to talk of it right now we don’t have to” Cassandra says as she rolls away to prop herself up on her elbow, looking vulnerable.

Ellana, feeling the loss of Cassandra’s warmth keenly and frustrated with herself for giving her the wrong idea with her momentary hesitation, shuffles down the mattress until she is mirroring Cassandra’s position and grabs her free hand twining their fingers together, knowing that this is a conversation that she wants to have face to face so that Cassandra is left with no doubt as to the sincerity of her words. “No it’s fine, I just…. I never told you or the others everything that Dorian and I saw when we were forced into the future at Redcliffe. We both made an agreement not to speak about it beyond what was necessary.  It was hard enough to separate the two realities there for a while because they were  _ both _ real for us.” Ellana closes her eyes briefly at the memory and opens them when she feels Cassandra kiss the back of her hand in silent support, asking “You know that I saw you in the future there yes?” to which Cassandra nods. “What I didn’t tell you is that I saw you die for me. Dorian and I found you in one of the cells, corrupted by red lyrium but still holding onto your faith,” Ellana smiles fondly at Cassandra at this, which causes her to blush. “After we cleared the castle and defeated Alexius… we. It was too late. We had no time, you and Bull went to defend the entrance from the approaching demons…. And when - when I saw that terror demon break down that door with you impaled on its claws and then just  _ discard _ your lifeless body like it meant nothing, I-” Ellana stops to choke back a sob, the memory she almost thought she’d forgotten hitting her with a vivid force that has sent her reeling. Cassandra lets go of her hand to reach forward and wipe the tears that are pooling under Ellana’s eyes, silently giving her the time she needs to gather herself together so she can continue on with her story. Before Cassandra’s hand can make a retreat Ellana snags it and presses a kiss to her palm in thanks, smiling weakly.

“I knew then, what it felt like to lose you, and that was a reality I never wanted to live, not without first knowing if there was any chance of anything happening between us. I watched you die right in front of me and the only thing I could think about was that version of you never knew how loved she was. When Dorian’s spell worked and we managed to make our way back to this timeline I was so  _ relieved _ when I saw you standing across from me in that hall, fierce and very much alive - you honestly don’t know how beautiful you were to me in that moment. Part of me was terrified you wouldn’t feel the same, and I think that's why I took that conversation on the battlements that day so badly, but I had mostly resolved to myself to be content with you fighting by my side if you didn’t return my feelings  _ Ma Vhenan _ ” Ellana finishes with a smile, leaning forward to softly capture Cassandra’s lips in a delicate kiss. 

“Is this why you avoided me on the journey back from the Hinterlands?” Cassandra asks, looking pensieve.

“Yes.” Ellana answers honestly. “It was - despite knowing you never lived that future - hard to look at you without thinking of her. _ Seeing her _ . It was easier to just avoid you until I could get my head straight. Though in hindsight I can see why you might have got the wrong impression from me”

“And when you left to go to the Plains for the first time after that conversation on the battlements -”

“Was me avoiding the situation because it felt like I was losing you all over again just in a different way, yes.” Ellana finishes. “Though I’m curious. When you wrote me that letter, the wax seal was plain? I know I’ve seen you use a sigil before in your correspondence?” Ellana asks, her curiosity piqued when she sees  just how far Cassandra’s blush travels. 

“Ugh of course you noticed that. It was…. Silly on my behalf. I wanted you to know that I was - all of my life has been lived in titles such as  _ Princess _ or  _ Hero _ or  _ Seeker _ and sometimes I feel that people have forgotten that I am just a woman beneath all of those titles. I…. thought - ugh never mind it was sappy and foolish of me” Cassandra finished in frustration, flushing in embarrassment. 

“You wanted to approach me as the woman you are, not as the woman that others think you to be with all of the titles? I understand that. And I think it was sweet” Ellana says as she leans forward to press another kiss to Cassandra’s lips, and then yawns widely.   

“I suppose you have the heaviest titles out of all of us” Cassandra muses as she sits, swinging her legs off of the bed before getting up. At Ellana’s whine of protest Cassandra gives her an exasperated look admonishing her fondly with an “Oh hush, the fire needs more wood and I am thirsty”, knowing full well that Ellana knows that she knows that she will enjoy the view as she works her way around the room preparing to settle for the night not wearing a stitch of clothing. Cassandra comes back to the bed with a mug of water and a washcloth for Ellana’s face which she makes use of, hesitating before getting up to relieve herself before coming back to bed. Drawing the curtains and settling under the covers, Ellana smiles when she feels Cassandra snuggle into her favoured position with her head nestled in the crux of her neck and press a kiss to her collarbone before murmuring “Rest now before we leave in the morning, sleep well my love.”

Ellana hums in contented agreement, tangling her legs with Cassandra’s as she places a soft kiss on her forehead, thinking of how far they’ve come over the past months, and how much they have to look forward too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you! :)


End file.
